Observe this failure of an elephant. Its very existence is an affront to the genuine article, the traditional lumbering, majestic, intelligent, gentle beast of the plains. This elephant is tiny. It is blue. The only verb it knows is "totter". Totter totter totter, like it's about to tip over from its sheer drunken lack of elephantine characteristics. Oh, and "jump". The elephant, the elephant, it leaps like a freaking tree frog. What a failure of an elephant.
Even worse, this elephant has forgotten every level of this new platform game from John Cooney (Achievement Unlocked) but the first. An animal known for its memory can't remember anything about the game it's starring in but a single configuration of blocks and spikes. This is it. This is the Only Level. It's not even a very interesting level: just hit the switch, which opens the door, which unblocks the exit. That's all this tragic failure of an elephant could come up with.
It can't remember what color the level is. That's different every time you play. It can't remember what the controls are. You might try the [left] arrow to totter left, the [right] arrow to totter right, and the [up] arrow to freaking jump, but don't count on that working all the time. Señor Failephant might switch things up on you.
This elephant doesn't even have a purpose. At least the doomed businessman in Karoshi, which features a similar kind of outside-the-box puzzle solving, has suicide on his mind. All the elephant wants is to go through the next pipe. What elephant travels by pipe? Why don't you just hop on a dinosaur and eat some mushrooms, you failure? Fail! You fail as an elephant!
Thanks to Patrick, Focus, Salmon, and Arikiko for sending this one in!
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August 8, 2009 5:52 AM
Walkthrough Guide
This is the Only Level WALKTHROUGH
Hit Play. Hit "Play or continue level one." It's jmtb02, you can't take that for granted.
Stage 1
Use the left-right arrows to walk and the up to jump. Hit the button to remove the wall, then go through the pipe at the lower right. Don't hit the spikes. Hereinafter referred to as "the usual."
Stage 2
Now the left-right keys are reversed, and jump is down. Do the same thing.
Stage 3
Look carefully at the pipe. There's no wall. So DON'T hit the button; that'll make the wall appear! Just proceed to the pipe.
Stage 4
My eyes! The arrows do nothing! Just click the mouse wherever you want to go; you can drag the elephant to the pipe, or just click on it if you're speedrunning.
Stage 5
Low gravity! Do the usual stuff and don't hit the spikes. Probably you don't want to jump up when you're directly under any spikes.
Stage 6
You bounce off everything here. Do the usual. It may take a little aiming to get into the corner with the pipe.
Stage 7
You can't jump, but the spikes are launching pads. Head to the lower-left spikes and use that to get you up to the button. Then leave.
Stage 8
There are two colors of surface. One color will kill you if you stand on it. Don't stand on it. Do the usual.
Stage 9
Left-right movement tracks your mouse. Click to jump. Do the usual. (Note that if you die, your mouse may not be aligned vertically with the elephant, because it won't be in the same place when you restart. Shouldn't much matter.)
Stage 10
Unless you hold down the right arrow, you will be blown to the left. Hold it down to inch forward; jump only when you're at the edge of a platform. I find that I have to let the wind blow me back to the platform just below and to the left of the button and jump up from there. Oh, and do the usual.
Stage 11
You can't move left in this stage. Do the usual without moving left. If you happen to find yourself in a place where you can't go anywhere and can't even die, hit the panic button.
Stage 12
You can't jump in this stage, but there's no wall, so hold down the right arrow for victory.
Stage 13
Alternate the left and right arrows until you're done. If you find a way to die at this stage, let me know.
Stage 14
You only get one jump per life. Use it wisely, to get to the level with the button. (You can make it from your starting point or from the next platform.)
Stage 15
The button again does nothing. Refresh the browser window, or close the tab and then reopen it (I haven't actually tried that). Hit Play. Hit "Play or continue level one." The wall is gone now; just head to the pipe.
Stage 16
Jump on the button five times, then leave.
Stage 17
The twist to this stage seems to be that there's no twist. Just do the usual.
Stage 18
The blocks collapse as you stand on them. Get to the blocks above the pipe, wait till you fall through, then scurry through the pipe, quick-like.
Stage 19
Movement is very herky-jerk on this stage, but do the usual. If you're having trouble with any jump, hold down up and right and that should do it.
Stage 20
Do the usual. You can't see what you're doing, but do it anyway.
Stage 21
Gravity goes down when you're in between vertical stripes and up when you aren't. The jump button works though, so do the usual and don't float up into any spikes.
Stage 22
There's an invisible wall to the right of the button, so jump up over it. Otherwise, the usual.
Stage 23
Controls: F is left, T is jump, H is right. Now do... the usual.
Stage 24
Hit CAPS LOCK to lower the bar. Then go through the pipe. I don't think the button does anything.
Stage 25
The wall goes up and down periodically of its own accord. Stand next to it and go past it when it's down.
Stage 26
Just walk through the wall, ghost-fashion.
Stage 27
Go to the menu, then the credits page, then hit the helpfully labelled "Main Menu, and Unlock Stage 27 for me" button. (This can be done at any time.) When you return the wall's gone.
Stage 28
Do the usual, in extreme close-up.
Stage 29
Once you hit the button, you have to go to the pipe as fast as you can before the wall goes back up. I think holding down the right button will work.
Stage 30
The level disappears as you progress! Meaning you have to do the usual much as you did for stage 20.
And you're done!
Posted by: matt w | August 8, 2009 2:24 PM