You know, as idyllic as it sounds to tell people to never give up on their dreams, I sort of think it's even more important for people to be able to tell when they're just not cut out for something. Like performing intricate open-heart surgery one-handed with zero experience and a frightening lack of fine motor skills. Created by Bossa Studios for Global Game Jam 2013, Surgeon Simulator 2013 (available here in your browser or as a free download at the bottom of the article) is a horrifyingly hysterical and graphic simulation of open-heart surgery as performed by one panicky fellow named Nigel Burke who has even less of a clue as you do. You'll want to get the surgery done with as little blood loss as possible, naturally, but considering the controls and potential for accidentally dropping a fully-operational bone-saw into someone's chest cavity, this might not end well.
The catch is that you have full 1-1 (... ish) control of the hand on screen. [A], [W], [E], [R], and [spacebar] each control the fingers of your left hand, while the mouse moves it, right-clicking lets you lift and rotate, and left-clicking lowers it. At your disposal? A wide array of tools for getting the job done, and one fresh, squishy, spankin' new heart... with no instruction manual. Surgeon Simulator 2013 is not, of course, all that realistic, but for a game made in the span of a single weekend it is intensely entertaining in a morbid sort of way. Players who are easily frustrated or put off both by the gore and lack of actual realism may want to give this one a pass, but if you've got a sense of humour and a lunch break to kill you'll enjoy the bizarre concept and presentation. Sort of like if QWOP crossed paths with Alan Probe and Mr Bean. Especially if you've got a bunch of friends on hand for heckling/encouragement. There's already a new extended version now available on Steam with more surgeries in more locations. (And hopefully the option to bind different keys for those of you not playing on American keyboards.) Currently more concept and almost webtoy than anything else, Surgeon Simulator 2013 is perfect slapdash entertainment for those of you with strong stomachs and steady hands.
Play Surgeon Simulator 2013 (Demo)
Windows:
Download the demo
Get the full version (Steam)
Mac OS X:
Download the demo
Get the full version (Steam)
Linux:
Download the demo
Get the full version (Steam)
Spending several minutes trying to pick up a bonesaw without knocking over all the other tools is pretty funny. Actually using the bonesaw and hearing the surgeon scream "JESUS CHRIST, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" is hilarious :D
"It only took you 07:48 to brutally murder this guy!"
LOL, what a ridiculous game. Controls are horrible, but game is still hilarious.
This is a very realistic simulator! I have used the Diego technique for removal of heart, which consists of removing the lungs first because they get in the way (I dropped one on the floor and lost it though). Unfortunately my saw slipped from my hands before I could continue carefully removing the chest bones, and the other saw knocked all other items on the table because I have this shoulder issue where I can't lift my arm too much. From the small hole I made I was able to remove the lungs, in accordance to Diego's technique, through it but the heart was unreachable. So I just left it the way I found and went home.
Seriously though, I love the idea. The browser player is heavy to the point it's almost unplayable. When I finally managed to run it in full screen it worked perfectly but doing that is tricky, the right click menu doesn't show always. And after playing once, the start screen that says "click to start" didn't work anymore.
Admittedly I didn't try hard, but even picking up something is very tough, and I just knocked everything off the table.
I finally managed to pick up something and... neverind...
I removed the left side of the ribcage(some bones fell into the chest cavity...) and the left lung, then I cut the arteries/veins leading into the heart and removed it, then I placed the new heart into the place... but there were no sutures I could find on my table. So yeah. Just waited there for him to bleed out.
I finished it in under five minutes, which is probably due to my extensive expertise of Trauma Center, which was completely useless for this game.
It looks like all you need to do is get the new heart to sit in the bottom of the chest to win, no sutures necessary. I managed to get an A++ just prior to him bleeding out, exacerbated by the fact the old heart rolled over top of the surgical dremel thing and started draining blood pretty fast.
My biggest complaint is that the rib cage sometimes has free-floating chunks that are a pain because they get in the way more effectively than anything else. I also wish the hand would be a little transparent so I could see what I'm doing when I point a tool straight down.
Otherwise, it's a pretty fun and frantic challenge. It seems more complicated than it really is at first, and most of the tools seem to just be there for fun or to amuse you when everything gets knocked over. The dremel and a scalpel are all it takes to get the job done.
I could see the gimmick staying funny over more operations if they were sufficiently different from each other, and didn't try to make the game into something precise and challenging with the awful controls.
Judging by the humor in it I doubt they'll make the game require precision. But they really should work to make it easier to grab items. There were so many times when I thought I should be grabbing the bone saw or a scalpel and I'd lift the arm with nothing in its hand. Also I agree that the floating ribs need to be fixed.
My favorite part was that, after removing both lungs and tossing them on the floor, then removing the old heart and doing the same, I dropped the new heart in his chest cavity haphazardly and poked at it, then I won. "I'm sure he'll live." Classic!
I think this is an awesome (and hilarious) idea and I hope it goes far.
This reminded me of sewing on a button with only my left hand while using oven mitts. Except more difficult.
I managed to break the ribs with a hammer (after pushing the saw onto the floor), stab around with a knife thing until I severed the old heart, remove the old heart, and drop in the new heart. Apparently that's not sufficient to save the victim, er patient, though. He's still bleeding out.
I would have liked to practice on something easier, like brain surgery or reattaching a limb, before doing open heart surgery.
I don't know what most of you are talking about. As an experienced surgeon, my experience went quite verbatim to normal procedure. I first tore off the cover and threw it to the ground. Afterwards, I went to grab the circular saw, but my hand twitched and I flung in across the room. Can't tell ya how many times that's happened!! LOL! So I went to plan B: the hammer. I couldn't get a clear grip at first, but after a few tries I finally got it lodged upside-down in between my pinky finger and thumb. I held it above the body and swung it in a clear 720 degree circle before I made contact, shattering every single rib in the process. My character screamed out, but I sighed with relief. Usually it takes me much longer to smash my patient's ribcage with a hammer. I threw the ribs to the ground one by one, followed by both lungs. I grasped the heart with all five fingers and pulled and pulled to no avail. After losing three scalpels, one on the floor and two in the patient, I finally cut all arteries and grabbed the heart, tossing it right past the head onto the floor. I grabbed the new heart and dropped it in in the patient, but it landed upside-down. I took the heart back out and lobbed it like a softball into the patient, and it landed perfectly, ending the surgery! It was a riveting success! Good thing I'm not the custodian. I'd hate sweeping up all those ribs and organs left on the ground.
I was trying to grab his ribs but I accidentally tore out his right lung instead and it went flying off somewhere. DX
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