You Are Games: Babylon Sticks Caption Contest II

You Are Games

ArtbegottiThis week, we're bringing you a contest unlike anything you've ever seen before! (Never mind this bit.) In this installment of You Are Games, we're calling upon you, our loyal readers, to scratch your funny bone where it itches and create the caption for another Babylon Sticks comic created by James Francis. And this time, the stakes are even higher. Why, you ask?

Pneumatic winch.

bs-contest-nuke.gifIn any case, the same rules apply as last time. Take a look at the bombshell of a comic to the right and see what sort of quirky captions you can come up. Submit your ideas as comments below using a Casual Gameplay account (we'll contact the winner via the email address you have in it, so make sure it's up to date). All entries are due by Monday, November 29th at 11:59 PM (GMT-5:00). Feel free to submit as many ideas as you'd like, but remember to keep them game-related!

As a final note, keep in mind that this is an all-ages website, so please refrain from profanity and keep your entries clean. Also, some legal points we have to mention:

  • All entries submitted to this contest become the property of Casual Gameplay.
  • You must be at least 13 years of age to enter.
  • Void where prohibited.
We'll be contacting the winner via email. So thinking caps on, class, it's time for you to wow us with your wacky, wild, and witty wespon—er..., responses!


It's the latest patch to 'Dismantle the Toaster,' but I have yet to see this "500,000x the realism" it's advertising.

"This is my last try or else the TV gets it!"

I'd be getting some exercise, but my Kinect hasn't arrived yet.

I didn't know that this is what they meant when they said that this game is "da bomb!"

I got a phone call. He said if I score less than fifty-five thousand points, the bomb will explode.

Good morning, sunshine! It's about time you woke up. When you finish your coffee, you mind helping me roll this thing onto the floor? I'd hate for the couch to be ruined if it goes off.

YES!!! ANOTHER BABYLON STICKS CAPTION CONTEST!!!!!! (*Heart attack*) Time for me to repeat some advice: keep it related to casual gameplay, keep it short and snappy, and make it funny. No, not funny. As close as you can get to die-hard hilarious. Here's an entry (*crosses fingers for prize*):

"That is it! Larry, pop the Suicide Pod! I've had it with this game."

"I don't see what's the big deal with the Nitrome Enjoyment System. It's just a big bulk of junk."

"Would you mind refilling the coffee IV? I'm going on a major gaming binge."

"I thought this game helped to blow off steam, not bottle it up!"

"As the winner in the high score contest, I won a prop from the game."

"I have to say, this game is decidedly less casual with the newest 'The Bomb' peripheral!"

I checked under the cushions for your watch but couldn't find it. It must be in there though, I can hear it ticking. And it's throwing off my timing!

I told you to get me some "balm". My thumbs are getting chapped.

Heads up to participants: The big bulky thing in the comic is a pneumatic winch, not a bomb. Basically, it's a device allowing you to store up and release gas or stuff (Sorry for sounding so nerdy). It looks bloated up, though, so that's probably what you want to make your punch about.

(You can ignore my advice--it's open to your interpretation, but I think my advice will help you

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming:

"It says to press X to release poison gas... This sucks. How am I going to get through this QTE?!"

"I know Nintendo is trying to break into the mature crowd, but the new peripheral for 'Wii Blitzkrieg' is just ridiculous."

[Just a note, this is a TypeKey account, not a Casual Gameplay account, so it's ineligible, sorry. We have to have a way to contact you should you win, which is why we require a CG account. -Jay]

I suppose you think this is going to get me to play outside. Well, I'm not gonna.

"I have to mash buttons to fill up some metal balloon? What is that going to achieve?!"

We'd better head for the basement. Hold on, just let me get to a save point.

"Buddy, take care of the Stress Pod! It's gonna explode with rage against this stupid grinding."

Joke entry: "You Spoony Bard!"

"OK, open it up. The pod should have stored up enough of the console's heat by now. Hurry up, I'm freezing!"


"The GameBuddy's AI sucks! Man, I got ripped off. Throw that dumb piece of junk out!"

"This is not what I expected when they said this peripheral was retro..."

"And how am I supposed to launch a nuke MANUALLY? It's not like the missile's gonna be right next to me..."

" When they told me I'd get a bomb after a killstreak I didn't know they meant it literally."

"Get the backup controller ready. I'm sick of this one's crummy design."

"Get the mail bomb ready, 'cause I hate whoever made this game. Be sure to fill it with poison gas."

"Some newbie just fragged me. I'll teach him. Give me the Ginormo Grenade!"

As a joke: "Give me the Holy Hand Grenade!" (Obvious Monty Python reference.)

I AM pressing the reset button! But it's not going away!

'This is that upgraded version of Execution, they say that this time, you REALLY can't try again. Also heard something about a karma simulator.'

Ok, I'll get rid of it next time I get killed.

"Couch potatoes? What makes you think we're turning into couch potatoes?"

And now for a disgusting entry: :S

"Hey, at least this metal chamber is better than a sock to doo-doo in."

I warned yeh. References poop-socking.

Great job everyone! We're at over 30 entries in just over 2 hours.

"I can't get my nuclear reactor to produce enough energy for my troops. Hey, buddy! Do you know how to handle uranium?"

I've just about had it with these ridiculous gaming accessories they keep coming out with. It only works with this one game!

I'm gonna give you one last warning: WAIT until I pause before you walk in front!

I finally unlocked 'the bomb' achievement!

Can someone write a walkthrough for "Dismantling A Bomb"?!?!?

It reads "CAUTION: This game may cause epilepsy, seizures, and things to explode. You are advised to take a 10 minute break for every hour of gameplay." Yeah, right. Like I'm really going to have a seizure.

(Ok, I'm running low on ideas)

If I've rented one more scratched disk that won't play, I'm gonna...

It's supposed to be smart bomb, but this is the tenth time in a row I've beaten it at Planet M.U.L.E.

One more orc and I swear I'm blowing up this TV!!!

"They say a nuke is a big help in destroying your enemies, but it's the worst co-op player ever!"

"This game is barely realistic, where is an everyman supposed to find a nuke?"

"What do you mean, "How are you not noticing the nuke?" I'm playing Mario, not Call of Duty"

"Unscrew the nose cone clockwise, cut the 2 red wires, and remove the warhead without touching the sides. Now quit bugging me, I'm coming up on the final boss!"

"Can you hand me the nuke? I need it to complete Animal Crossing: Russia 1950's Edition"

"Can you believe this game? Russian sleeper spies gather nukes, and you have to stop them! Unrealistic as- Понял, возвращение на родину"

that translates to understood, return to the motherland

"Yes, I have a nuke next to me, now can you please hand me the strategy guide?"

"Man, this game stinks"
"It's for an achievement"
"First the vampire, and now the bomb? Can't you do anything without a walkthrough?"

It's the new Minecraft 'Hardcore mode'! If you die in the game you die in real life...

They promised me explosive fun... well, I have yet to see it!

"It came with the controller. It's supposed to make this bomb-difusing game more realistic, but I'm not sure how, yet."

"You'd better stand back. I'm on my last life."

I can't come over. I showed Doodle Devil to my dad yesterday and he came home with this. Now I'm grounded until I beat Doodle God and figure out how to get rid of the police.

(assuming of course that he's multitasking, watching television news reports of the terrorists in the city while playing Doodle God on his iPhone)

If I get last place, this little baby will be the winner's trophy.

"Oh that? I got that off the forums on ebombsworld."

Why can't an evil genius like myself get past level 5 in Bomber Man?

Kim Jong-Il: "Hey Seong, is it possible to find this T-bag1999 guy? He keep's saying he and my mother have done horrible things together. He also seems to believe I was birthed in Africa"

The game is pretty great, I'd hated if the protagonist died in the end.

'Why on earth am I on a casual gaming website? I'm a console gamer, darn it!'

If my thumb speed drops below 55 miles per hour, we're all doomed.

"Check it out- JIG made an XBox app."

Gah, this safe lock is impossible! I'm just going to "Brute Force" it...

"NORAD decided to take out the middle-man."

"Turns out we're stuck in a post-apocalyptic nightmare world with a modernist 1950's mentality. Also, I just topped your last high score."

"Oh, good; you brought it coffee. Maybe the jitters'll make it hit some buttons so we can finally play."

"Suspiciously enough, all it does is play covers of Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra as sung by Ron Perlman. I don't know if I should be afraid or soothed."

"I'm about to use my power-up, you might want to step back a little..."

"Damn it im down to my last A-bomb"

If the object is a bomb:

"The Fallout: New Vegas Collector's Edition was a lot bigger than I thought it would be."

If the object is a pneumatic winch (doesn't look like one):

... I got nothin.

"i got the Fallout New Vegas Collector's Edition"

"I assure you, I am handling the situation. One of these games is bound to teach me how to deactivate it."

"I never expected 'Humpty-Dumptys Extreme Balance Challenge' to be this amazing!"

"Yes, I am playing a new Minoto game. Why do you ask?"

"Some odd matrix appeared on screen when I was in the middle of playing a new Minoto game. Now help me figure out how to use a banana peel to unhinge Santa's beard so he can dismantle the bomb!"

"Well, Jay is getting a lot less casual if you ask me."

"Hey Carl, what's with the anorexic nickname?"
"No, dummy. I'm LittleBoy! He's FatMan!"

"Well, Jay just got a lot less casual. Can you spot a red bomb diffuser in this bowl of cherries and strawberries?"

Ya, I got this for pre-ordering Bomberman 3.

GAMEOVER?! thats it Larry, were going with the contingency plan.

"Yeah, some sore loser hacked my account and sent me this. It's OK, we've still got 2 hours until it goes off, I'm just gonna finish this level first..."

I swear, if I get assassinated ONE MORE TIME!


(Long time JIG visitor, first time poster)

"Actually, we're locked in the living room until I beat this game to get the password to open that case in the corner to get the newspaper so I can trade your mag for it so I can get the encryption at the bottom of your coffee to release this gas so that the lasers overhead can be seen and show use where the key is. No big."

"She's my wife, alright? It's not a big deal. Many men happen to find super-powerful deadly weapons VERY attractive!"

@Victor: The device illustrated does not resemble a pneumatic winch in any way. It would have some sort of reel, with a mechanism for making it turn. What's pictured looks a lot more like a bomb (especially with the box-part at the bottom), or maybe a water-heater reservoir.

(Just Google "pneumatic winch" and look at the images to see the difference.)

Can't think of any good captions for this one -- at least, none that haven't already been used.

"Oh great, the TV is exploding. Guess I'm gonna have to go to Casual Gameplay for the time being."

"I can't figure out this console version of You Have To Burn The Rope."

"I was playing the Terminator game, but it was upsetting my robot friend, so we switched to this dumb Black Cops game, or whatever it's called."

Here's one:

...and they took nukes out of Call of Duty. What a waste of money.

"NOW we'll see whose base are belong to whom..."

"I've got yer 'screw attack' right here."

"This "game" is all the training I need for firing this bomb."

The thing looks like a bomb, though probably is a pneumatic winch like the description mentioned.
For a bomb,
"Hey, the military gave me this for telling them where the fat kid's uncle who has the tanks is." (From Super Treadmill, a recent review)

For a pneumatic winch,
"Okay, you've convinced my character, even though it ups my lifting strength like crazy, it's most definitely not portable."

"Yes, I know! I see it! I'll get to it in a second!"

@ HeroForge: That's 'cause the winch is bloated up, implying that there is a lot of something in there. But yeah, you can interpret it any way you want.

Here's some more. Happy Turkey Day.

"EA turned Fancy Pants into this?! That's it. Send the gas bomb to those corporate bozos."

Yes, Fancy Pants is coming to console under EA2D. If you have a PS3 or Xbox 360, get ready for next spring.

"Sorry, bro! Only room for two on this couch!"

18 hour Ghosts N Goblins marathon, just let me get to the first checkpoint

@ everyone
The picture's named "bs-contest-nuke.gif" Draw your own conclusions.

"Bomb? What bom-- Oh, no, that's just my coffee pot. I haven't slept for three days."

" I don't know what this thing does, but the gas it released when I set off a poison gas attack in the game wasn't exactly the nicest smelling thing around."

"When the advert said 'realistic reactions', I never expected this! Now I'm gonna have to pay to get the roof fixed!"

"Doodle Devil sure does induce some crazy antics. Look at what my brother brought home after he got stuck on element 79!"

@ Finn: Like I said, you can interpret the bomb/gas chamber/grenade/robot/Michael Jackson zombie/whatever any way you want. I've been using all types of jokes, including bomb, controller, winch, and nuclear reactor, and you can do the same. Just make it funny! :)

"I entered in the cheat code for a free nuke, and it didn't show up! What the heck!"

i've been bottling up my aggression for too long bob, seriously, i need to unwind!

"They should write "pneumatic winch" on these things! Someone could think it's a bomb"

That caption bubble just sorta landed on the couch while you were out bob. if you've got something funny to say, it's all yours.

"They should write "Bomb" on these things! Someone could think it's a pneumatic winch"

"Hey, look beside me, I've found the best launch game ever !"

Haha, good one, _*G*_. repairmanman's entries are also funny.

"I know, I know, I need to handle my gaming addiction! Why do you keep nagging about 'that thing' I have?"

Sorry, I'm a stickler for grammar.

"I wonder what James Francis is going to add to this currently blank background?"

"Poke fun at me all you want, but this trinket gives me a +5 Reflex bonus!"

"And this came with the new Final Fantasy?!"

Jeez, what do you mean i'm too literal?! You can't just come in here and drop a bombshell like that!

"If another player shouts out 'Leeroy Jenkins', then this bomb and I will teach him who at least has chicken."

"Let's just say I am ready for the mother of all rage-quits."

Hi mum. that? oh yeah, my school science project.. i made a phlegmatic witch.. i mean a rheumatic wench, i mean.. whatever, i'm concentrating!

"Yeah, when they said 'realistic peripheral' I didn't think they meant this!"


"That?! It's just one of those achievement trophies"

or "Wait. There's a Bomb in my room? When did that get here?"

"Yeah, that's the 'trophy' I got for winning the C&C nuking competition. I wonder if it works..."

"Yes, but it's not nearly as dangerous as I'll be if you keep interrupting me!"

"Coffee? Put it right there. I'll drink when I figure out how to dismantle this thing."

You don't want to die over a game? So sorry, but it's a really hard final boss

"So what if I'm playing co-op with a bomb? It's better than playing with my son!"

"The games they recommend on JIG aren't so casual anymore..."

"This version of Blow Things Up really takes things up a notch!"

"Today's Cold War day! Next to me is a replica of an American nuke and I'm playing a bootleg knockoff of an SNES!"

Lone Wanderer: Hey, I don't complain when you bring your work home, do I?

What? You said your nephew loves Viva Pinatas?

And this new online bomberman game should be more realistic than its predecessors?!

Huh? Oh, yeah, this arrived in the mail for you, and some guy called Burke left a message on the machine; something about blowing up a settlement? Anyway, he left his number and said to call him back or he'd send hitmen after you. Honestly? Dude sounds like a dick.

"I feel like I'm sitting next to an atomic bomb, waiting for it to explode."

About that pneumatic winch, artbegotti did not confuse a nuclear bomb for a pneumatic winch, as apparent by their bombshell pun ("Take a look at the bombshell of a comic to the right..."). Not I know what he really meant by it, mainly because I don't know what exactly a pneumatic winch is, aside from Google image search.

It says I have to beat the game for the bomb to not explode... OH CRAP! It's I Wanna Be The Guy!

"For the hundredth time, this isn't a pneumatic winch, it's SSBB, and can you stop hitting my elbow?"

"Oh, the bomb? I got a 25+ killstreak in Modern Warfare..."

"Will you tell your friend here to stop cheap-shotting me."

"Go ahead, walk by the television! It's not like I don't have a bulging metal can of poisonous gas to sic on your room or anything."

"They say Grow 3D is the most realistic yet..."

"Yeah, and I was about to buy 9 more before I realized I needed Super Gunner class to even use them!"

"I know he took your seat, but do you really want to be the one to tell him he has to move?"

I am going to beat that #?@*&%! boss if it is the last thing that I ever do!

"This controller is terrible! It only has one red button and no matter how hard I press it, it seems to be stuck! Oh wait, there we go..."

"I've already played this game for one week non-stop and i still can't get past level one!"

Of course you'd think that, but it hardly explains why it's winning, doesn't it?

"Your ex-girlfriend came over in the middle of the night, she said she had to drop something off for you"

'COFFEE? You brought me COFFEE? I've been on nuke juice for the past 13 days and you bring me coffee?"

" This new 'gaming server' really makes sure you don't stop playing!"

"What? Now what makes you think that losing on level 1-1 of PvZ on my Xbox is making feel suicidal?"

Just joke entries, because even if I did have any good ideas no one should win a contest twice in a row.

"I had to collect forty lightbulbs and complete three sidequests to unlock this. I don't care what it is, I'm keeping it!"

"Don't worry, it's not a bomb. I already tried using it with the remote detonator."

"The eBay listing said "Cheat Cartridge for Life," but they didn't pack the instructions."

"Look, just defuse it already. There's only two minutes left, and I'm about to beat my highest kill streak."

"Atomic Bomb??? But Victor at the store told me it was a pneumatic winch!"

"Dude, when I said only a thick bombshell would sit and watch you 'gaming', that's not what I meant!"

Nice one, Dandy. Nice one.

"I have to mash A and B repeatedly to detonate a bomb?! And what is that supposed to achieve? Sore thumbs?"

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