You Are Games: Babylon Sticks Caption Contest

You Are Games

KyleYou can tell by the banner above that, after almost a year's hiatus, you are, once again, games! You Are Games is our way of inviting you to become a more active part of the Jay is Games community, join our little family, be a part of the team. Okay, given the nature of this edition, maybe "team" isn't as accurate as, say, "viciously competitive mob of chaos." But who cares? It'll be fun anyway.

We're offering up a caption contest, but you wouldn't expect us to do a caption contest like any other web site, would you? Of course you wouldn't. You can go anywhere to see adorable baby animals or politicians in uncomfortable situations. When you do a caption contest here at JIG, you're going to do it for an original comic drawn by our very own James Francis, creator of the excellent Babylon Sticks.


Simply submit your funny bone tickling, game related captions to this Halloween themed comic in the comments section below using a Casual Gameplay account (we'll contact the winner via the email address you have in it, so make sure it's up to date). You'll have until 11:59PM (GMT-5:00) on Monday the 25th to submit the best one-liners you can come up with, the more the merrier. And remember to keep your entries game related! We'll choose one winner to become the official caption for the finished Babylon Sticks comic next Thursday!

Just a few things to keep in mind before you stun us all with your comedic genius. Don't forget that this is a family friendly site, so please refrain from profanity and do your best to keep it clean. Also, the boys in legal tell me I have to inform you that:

  • All entries submitted to this contest become the property of Casual Gameplay.
  • You must be at least 13 years of age to enter.
  • Void where prohibited.
Finally, we'll contact the winner via email once the final decision has been made. With all the boring fineprinty stuff out of the way, you can now turn on the funny switch and open the laugh sluices. Immortality awaits!

Update: We have a winner!


"It says all we have to do is stick the stake through his heart. Easiest Boss Fight Ever."

"No idea where to put that thing, but this says we've got four lives left so we've got a few tries!"

"You're awakening after an 1000 year hiatus? There's an app for that!"

"After this one we can upgrade to a super MEGA wooden stake!"

"Wait! That looks dangerous! Let's boost our focus with some loud, ominous boss music."

"We've got plenty of lives, so let's put a heart at stake."

"Okay, so the walkthrough says it goes right through the heart!"

You're using an old wooden stake? I have an app for that!

Look, someone named Vlad left a comment on JiG. He says there's a secret ending if we wait until after sunset!

Hm, for some reason the Hammer and Stake items can't be used together... where's the Stinky Fish?

Hang on a second... I've got FatBooth. A fat vampire should be hilarious!

Is it just me, or have we been getting a lot more stuff done since we downloaded 'Epic Win'?

"I found the only game that doesn't have garlic. Garlic Avoiders 2!"

Some of the more obvious ones have been done, I'll start with:

"The review says there are 2 endings, we can't stake him until we've found the Happy Coin."

"Now wait a second, you forgot to cut the last part of the 'stake', get it?"

Wikipedia says it's the foot!

You were right... Geocaching CAN be fun!

"I've got the tweet ready to go: Stick Sucker Staked #babylon"

Whoops, error in my second comment...

"Now wait a second, you forgot to cut the last part of the 'steak', get it?"

OK... this says we first need to find the four ingredients of the heart-softening-potion. I think I saw one in that pile of hats, umbrellas and Persian kitten statues.

A little obtuse but back to a game related subject:

"I say we fill the box with sand rather than the linear stake through the heart."

"Wait! There's no walkthrough for a cyclops vampire."

...obviously a one eyed vampire would be called an iVampire ;)

"Wait, I have a better idea! This is a photo of him in his 8-bit days."

"Amazing! Your sculpture is fooling everyone on the internet!"

"That'll teach him from using the internet to put words in our mouths!"

"That'll teach him to stop using the internet to put words in our mouths!"*

Bonus pun:

"Hey, he has a family!"
"I'm taking this to heart."

"This is going to be the best cutscene ever!"

Guy on left: "Hmm...This says that the Prince of Darkness is in another castle."

"Don't forget to save first!"

Killing a vampire? Yeah, there's an app for that.

Now, you know this is only his first form, right?

This is the best edition of Operation yet!

"Wait! First I want to see if he can suck the filling out of this Pop Tart!"

I think we're stuck. Let's try combining the stake with the Polaroid photo, see what happens.

"Okay, after you kill him get ready for him to come back and be twice as hard."

a vampEYEre perhaphs?

Man, this is going to be the greatest "Happy Slap" video ever!

Ok, this is the last of Dracula's Facebook friends...

Wait...let's make him fight my invizimal first!

See, I told you FiendFinder was useful...

I'm telling you, Mr Belmont, the stake through the heart is a much surer method than your whip...

I'm telling you, this is the guy that created Farmville. Kill him now before he enslaves the whole world!

"Actually Kevin, according to my StakePlacer app, you're supposed hit him in the spleen."

I still say this is a sick subject for a Dismantlement game...

According to this, the way out of the room is just underneath this guy in a costume! Piece of cake.

Guy on the left: If he tries to wake up just draw a star and it will slow down his movements.
Guy on the right: I better get an S rank for this...

"Second please! I got to tell my facebook friends that we're fighting a vampire, who will rip us apart if we don't handle quickly!"

'Oh this is so cool, this guy is holding a Curse of the dark dream card...lets see .it says 'You inflict a waking nightmare on your enemy so he can no longer tell what is real and what only exists in his mind'

"Hey it's sundown. The walkthrough on Jay is Games says he becomes nigh high invincible 'til dawn."

"Go ahead. I installed the CircleOfSalt app on here just last week!"

Wow, he is an ancient evil, he has a Palm Pilot!

Who knew, vampires use wifi!

Dibs on his iPhone!

"You and your assistant have entered the lair of the vampire lord. He appears to be asleep in his coffin. The vampire lord, that is, not your assistant."
>> look around
"You are standing in front of the coffin of the vampire lord. To the north is the exit. To the east is a suspicious looking set of armor standing beside the wall. To the south is a window. To the west is a wall."
>> i
"You are carrying your fancy-pants phone which has GPS and lead you to the lair, along with a manic expression on your face. Your assistant has a hammer and stake, ready to drive it into the heart of the vampire lord."
>> look wall
"The wall is so uninteresting it has no defining features."
>> look armor
"The armor looks suspicious. One of the arms looks particularly unusual."
>> look armor arm
"You are too far away for that."
>> go armor
"'armor' is not a direction"
>> go west
"You are standing in front of the suspicious armor."
>> look armor arm
"The one arm of the armor looks less rusty than the rest of the suit - as if it has been moved recently."
>> move armor arm
"'move' is not a recognised command"
>> push armor arm
"The armor arm moves. Nothing happens for a moment. Then the other arm, holding a halberd, slices therough you and your assistant. In your dying moments you see the vampire lord reflected in the armor standing behind you, a wide grin on his face as his meal slides to the floor. The armor is inhabited by a Grue, who removed the arm to get inside it. You have been killed by a Grue. Restart? [y/n]"

"We already used the hammer to break open the door. We need to get the heavy book from upstairs."

"You can't do it like that! You need to combine the hammer and the stake first."

"I found it! In order to move his hands out of the way, all we need to do is get the axe from the woodshed, use it to cut down the rope in the kitchen, use the rope to pull the bell, use the wooden plank that falls out of the bell to pry open the garage door, and then take the third crowbar from the left."

"This will stop him from sharing our user account information with advertisers!"

So we've opened the tomb, unscrewed the coffin lid, removed the shroud... I still say this is the sickest Dismantlement game ever...

Jay, when you said you had an idea for a new section for JiG, this wasn't exactly what I had expected to find in The Vault...

Jay: Don't worry, I have a cheat code. We just need to enter A, B, AB, O...?

Van Helsing: Those aren't gamepad buttons - those are blood types!

"Want to kill vampires without a wooden stake? There's an app for that!"

"The JIG walkthrough says to use the stake, but the other one says to use the hammer. I say we go with the stake."

"Wait- this says if we let him live, they'll bring You Are Games back!"

"Don't worry- it's only rating-o."

"The Weather app says sunset at 7:00...wanna make a bet?"

"Can you believe he has a solar powered model?!"

"Okay, after this, we'll just need one more kill to get the vampire slayer acheivement."

"I would TOTALLY destroy this guy on Vampires Live!"

"Well you could go for the obvious stake right in the heart, but I'm pretty sure that there's a secret area right about..."

"The walkthrough says 'stake and mallet', but we haven't found the mallet yet, just this hammer."

Or also, a slightly different type of gaming:

"So how serious of a LARPer are you?"

Sweet! Even down here I can get coverage.

"No I don't have salt to make a circle with, but I have a dust app. Want me to make a circle in it?" (notive that there's no salt circle).

"Do you mind if I show him my mirror app?" (reference that mirror apps are fake, they really show a dark screen, it doesn't really reflect).

I can't believe he'd sleep with a stake, mallet AND a smartphone.

Wait! I'm gonna friend him on Facebook first.

"Dude, check it out! Our global coordinates are the same as my best Tetris score!"

"Sweet! According to my EXP monitoring app, we should level up after this!"

"YAHTZEE!!" (perhaps with something indicating a need for silence whilst staking yon vampire, lest he awaken.)

So, stake through the hearty gave Happy Ending but there are 10 more to find. Let's try some more body parts.

"Wait, it's Mobile Monday!"


Will you stop tweeting and give em a hand here.

Wait, let me do it! My Enchanted Holy Gauntlets give me +2 Power against all Undead-Type creatures!

Are you sure you don't want to hold out until you can get enough money to upgrade your WoodStke for a SlvrStke at the shop near the castle entrance?

"Step one: defrost
Step two: marinate
Step three: pre heat oven to 400 degrees..."

"Wrong app dummy! i said stake not steak!"

"look at this picture he was only 8-bits, so innocent."

"too bad he wont live to see 64-bits"

wow these captions are dumb... don't quit your day job guys.

"Hey, look! There's a app with a weird ring on it! We should probably check it out!"

"So...ready to put the nail in the coffin to this, Steve Jobs? I heard 3DS will be AMAZING!"

@Victor: No! no Heroes app allowed!! XD

Anyway, here's mine:

"Hey! According to this, there's a secret area after we stake him if we get 100% in all the other areas!"

Remember to use a Casual Gameplay account to post your comments, or your entry won't be considered. No anonymous comments or TypeKey accounts, sorry (we need your email address to contact you with if you win).

Uh oh. I was on typekey ( D: ). Mine were:

"Wait! That looks dangerous! Let's boost our focus with some loud, ominous boss music."

"We've got plenty of lives, so let's put a heart at stake."

"This'll teach everyone to stop using the internet to put words in our mouths!"

"Wait, I have a better idea! This is a photo of him in his 8-bit days."

"Amazing! Your sculpture is fooling everyone on the internet!"

Bonus pun:
"Hey, he has a family!"
"I'm taking this to heart."

"ooooh. it says that that you throw the hammer at the clock and then you insert the 8 wooden figures.THEN stab him!"

"Wait! bill just updated his facebook!"

Aw, it's blank. No wait, it's his wife!

@ Gabe:
What Heroes app? Haven't you heard of "The Ring"?

Anyways here's are some other ones:

"Guess he should have paid more attention in Choice of the Vampire."

"Wow, it says here he died licking blood off his windshield during a drive out."

"Maybe he shouldn't have looked at that Twilight spoiler..."

"Huh, he was lucky. You should have seen what that player did to his zombie friend."

"The walkthrough says that before we kill him, we have to buy this 'I Am Rich' app. $999.99...should be no problem to solve this puzzle."

"Why is there a Dramatic Gopher on his screen?"

Ha! AND I just un-friended him on Facebook!

"HA! You stole our members-only nocturnal assassin tools, so we'll take the jammed coffin lid from your nightly room escape game!"

"Plan of ultimate revenge: he'll wake up knowing exactly where he is, why he's there, and with no locked coffin lid in sight!"

"I always knew that playing Dark Cut would come in handy!"

Some random ideas, as they come:

"According to the current poll results, 45% say you should continue."

"You're right! We've got the wrong guy."

"Wait! It says here he's a level 34!"

"Wait! He is a legal blood-sucker!"

"Ready? 5.....4......3...."

"Negotiations complete. Release the hostage."

"Time's Up! My turn to be the vamp!"

"Can you hear me now?!"

"Day 21: Vampire Kill #15"

"Day 29: Discovered what looks to be some sort of fanged being"

"Wow! He's got one of those new Droids!"

"I can never remember this part of the script."

"Okay, in order to get the good ending, we have to try negotiating with him first"

This part is optional since the vampire wakes up and kills you when you try, but it unlocks a new achievement!!

"Hold it a sec, Bob. We've missed achievements #15, 99 and 102."

"Heh, Bob! Did you right click and enter the Jay-is-trix first?"

"No, Bob, you have it wrong. First enter the Jaytrix, then pound the stake from the reverse angle."

The walkthrough says we need to get the whip upgrade from under the coffin before we attempt this.

"Wait, don't kill it yet, this walkthrough says there are SEVEN more secrets to find!"

"Stand next to him so I can get a picture! This'll be the best walkthrough ever!"

"Look what I found in his pocket!"

"Ok, stake him Bill, I got the walkthrough....he is no longer needed...

"Stand back, I've got an app for this..."

And the generic and obvious one:
"What's that? Banishing undead spirits from the mortal realm? There's an app for that!"

"Let's look at Dark Cut to see how to do this !"

"Wait! We still need the garlic, holy water, and silver to get the best ending."

"Don't move! I finally got a signal!"

"Next we'll take out the Mafia!"

"Wait! Let's see if he'll join my clan first."

"Hang on, I'm gonna buy a Rage refill."

"You think this is hard? Try fighting the undead with houseplants!"

The stake doesn't combine with the stone? Try combining the stake with the witch's instructions, the needle, the gun, the "some hay," the hubcab, or the steak.

OK. So, your choices are:
1. Use my supernatural strength to overpower the man with the stake, and feed on him.
2. Overpower him, but show mercy: let him be my slave.
3. Nothing a bit of persuasion can't fix; talk him into giving up his foolish task.
4. Threaten him. He shall cower under my awesomeness!
5. Bribe him.

"Be careful, that's a level 10 vampire. The app store says to use the "how to destroy a vampire" app. After this, the "after you've destroyed a vampire" app says we can take a break and get a burger."

Game over! Wait a moment to submit you to the hall of fame.

"Hey, use the iStake!"
"Oh come on, don't be such a cheapstake - YOU have a hammer and a ... cheap... stake."

"Mary says to remember to buy potatoes on the way home."

"According to his Facebook Status, he's asleep. Oh, and he needs his crops watering too."

"He's left himself logged in, so I changed his status to "Married". And he likes dudes."

"Hey look, You Are Games is back on JIG and they've got a sweet contest!"

"Hey check out this cool 'Choice of the Vampire' game!"

"Apparently there's an alternative ending. I'd save it first though..."

"This Amateur Surgeon walkthrough says we need to use the pizza cutter first!"

"Hey! My Grandfather played that game on the 'Brown Box'!"

"Ha, a hammer and stake? The walkthrough tells us we obviously have to open a continuum portal first!"

"Apparently he likes Prick at Nite."

"I told you! We need to use the rocket hammer!"

"This is the best Wake Up the Box ever!"

"Before we kill him, I just want to tell him that I beat his 'Doodle Jump' highscore."

"Now that's he's asleep, I finally have a chance at making the 'Doodle God' leaderboards!"

So, far, I think the 'plan of ultimate revenge' caption on page 1 has the best chance of winning. Some tips to win: keep it short, make it related to casual games.

Hey! This is just before the plot twist!

"No, really, there's an app for that!"

"Don't hit him yet! It says here we've only explored 99.9% of the castle. Just imagine the ending we'd get if we found that last room..."

"Wait a sec... the flash wasn't on that time."

"Hey, maybe HE knows how to beat the zombie boss!"

"See? He looks just like Jay!"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...disqualified! >:|

"Finally! A horror game without a jump-scare!"

"Get a load of this, my VampScan app says that he's awake! Haha, imagine that...."

"The weak point? I'm not sure. Doesn't he have one of those big flashing red lights that you can stab?"

"Dracula doesn't seem nearly as hard as he was in Castlevania."

I'm about to become the Mayor of his coffin!

"No more "Yes!", once you're dead, you won't hear me anymore"

You may have won "Hasselhoff" vs. "Humperdinck", but I'm totally taking "Gamenwatch" vs "Stakenvamp."

"Wait! If we use "science" before "magic", the human does not grow into a vampire.

- Are you reading the walkthrought again?!"

Hit it again! These political ads are really hard to kill.

guy on the left, "don't kill him yet! I want him to sign me certificate of authenticity!"

woah, he's got an iphone? I'v always wanted one of these!

"Forget the vampire! Killing zombies is the fad right now!"

"Hey, if we shell out $5 in Mochicoins, we can move his hands aside!"

"Wow! The graphics for this point-and-click are amazing! The vampire in front of me looks almost real!"

"Now we'll have to wait until this video ad ends before we can get to the walkthrough."

"In order to kill him, you'll have to position the stake above his heart, swing the hammer, and repeatedly shake the iPhone."

"Is that what Anthony Hawelle has wasted into? No wonder SHIFT 4 stunk!" (No offense, just a joke. I loved In3structotank!)

"Wait! We've got to take a few more notes, or we'll get stuck in the Submachine again!"

"I've found a much better way to kill him: delete his saved games."

"And after we kill him, it'll say that Anna is not on 344 Powell Street."

"Go, kill the boss, I found the exit door !"

"But it's really small !"

^ Scroll Up | Homepage >

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