Link Dump Friday №189
When someone's bored... and the week's too long... who ya gonna call?! LINK DUMP FRIDAY! This week's installment brings you an oddball assortment of games featuring all manner of strange creatures and dangerous situations, from a world-devouring purple beast kept at bay with puzzle blocks, to a fairy-tale gone wrong where the fluffy woodland critters think your kneecaps would taste mighty fine. Enjoy!
- Tree Fender - Gardening is hard work. Not only do you have to contend with fuzzy, cuddly, infuriating animals deciding they would like to sup on the fruits of your labour (literally), you also have to worry about irrigation, nematodes, soil quality... golems. In this action defense hybrid you control a warrior trying to protect a tree from hordes of golems. Click anywhere on the ground to move there, and your hero will automatically slice through whatever's in his way. The concept is interesting, but the execution is a bit clunky, as controls can be frustrating and the levels can get repetitive fairly quickly. Still, it's fun for a while. Golems?! Ahmed Hassan never has to deal with this!
- Supermax - There's something decidedly NES-ish about this stealth arcade game. You play a cue-ball prisoner who did... some... thing trying to escape from a prison some... where. But you don't do this by engaging in fisticuffs with the guards, or even a good old-fashioned shanking like Mom would've loved. Instead, you've got to sneak around each level gathering the keys you need and avoiding the guards who are thoughtful enough to march in predetermined patterns. While it's fairly simple, Supermax is still cute as a button. Presumably the fashion police threw you in there after they saw your orange spandex bodysuit. Zing!
- Tetravalanche - You'll never look at Tetris the same way again. In this arcade platformer, you control a tiny hero leaping and punching his way up through falling blocks, trying to stay one step ahead of the massive purple monster that wants to eat him. Earn power ups and try to survive as long as you can while the blocks fall faster and you keep climbing higher. While fairly simple and a little frustrating to get the hang of initially, it can be surprisingly addictive. Although, if that purple monster isn't nightmare fuel of the "something is after you but you can't move" variety, I don't know what is. Maybe... with a clown mask?... n-noooo! Oh, God, why do I do that to myself?!
- Snow White: Dark Curse - You know that one scene in Shrek where Snow White goes all hardcore and totally kicks everyone's butt? This is like that, but with less wrestling moves, and more cursed mutations. In this side-scrolling brawler, you play Snow White, who isn't looking quite as fair as she used to after the jealous queen lets loose a spell that turns the entire land (and its inhabitants) dark and twisted. As new (radder) Show White, you'll have to deal with ferocious woodland beasts and boss monsters as you punch your way through the stages. It's fairly short, and unfortunately fairly repetitive, but it's a great twist on the classic fairy-tale genre that is well worth a look.
- Underworld Army - Episode 1 - In this point-and-click puzzler, the infamous Professor Pain has just blasted off in his adorable little rocket, and it's up to you to break into his house and find a way to deactivate his robot army, currently poised to destroy the world. (Nooo! Then where will I get my cappuccinos?!) Although the interface is a little clunky, this is a fun, silly little adventure for your coffee break. Who else can say they saved the world before lunchtime? Nobody, that's who!... Though, really. Who's to say Professor Pain isn't a victim himself? With a name like that, you practically have to be a supervillain. Just as Casanova Frankenstein.