Hello! I'd like a moment of your time to talk to you about Guardian Rock, and the many benefits of owning one... oh! Might want to get your door checked out there, friend. If I hadn't had my foot jammed in there, why, it might have slammed in my face! Golly!
Guardian Rock, manufactured by the fine folks at Torpedo Lab, is perfect for all your ancient temple guarding needs! Now, I know, I know. You think your temple is safe. You think all your treasure isn't going anywhere. Wrong! Let me tell you, friend, that miniature tomb raiders are an invasive species, and they can be found anywhere! Now, you can spray, sure, but that won't get rid of all of them. And I suppose, yeah, you could go through the historical preservation society and get a cease-and-desist, but that takes forever. No, what works, and what works fast, is smashing them across 48 levels of arcade-style puzzle action.
Now, you're thinking, "Gosh, I'm interested in Guardian Rock, but I bet it's too darn complicated to use!" Wrong again, friend! Guardian Rock responds to the [arrow] keys. All you do is tap the direction you want to go, and it'll zip off in a straight line until it hits something! Guardian Rock disposes of intruders by efficiently smashing into them, and then it's a simple matter of guiding it to the glowing golden exit for speedy storage. Get stuck in a bad spot? No problem! Just tap [R] and you can start your level all over again.
Now of course, Guardian Rock is pretty sturdy, and it'll smash right through any old, crumbled blocks in the temple. But you're going to want to keep it away from any, uh, ceremonial T.N.T. crates you might have lying around. Or spears! Guardian Rock isn't compatible with spears. In fact, you're probably going to find a lot of stuff lying around your ancient temple that just don't work well with Guardian Rock. Fortunately, if Guardian Rock breaks, it'll instantly reform, although you'll have to start work on the level all over again.
So, tell me, what can we do to get you outfitted with a Guardian Rock today?
Analysis: Okay, so it's a sliding rock puzzle. Your rock does not level up. You won't play a mini-game where you perform a timed dance to learn a new ability from the fairy queen. Your rock does not find a belt of +2 Face Smashing. What Guardian Rock does is offer a wealth of very well designed puzzles all wrapped around one simple mechanic. The game offers extra level packs available for purchase if the 48 level "story mode" isn't sufficient for you to get your smash on, but they're not a requirement. Personally, I was more than satisfied with the amount of fiendishly clever puzzles presented free of charge.
The difficulty of Guardian Rock depends on your ability (or inclination) to think ahead. If you spend a while plotting out your path before you even touch the controls on each stage, you'll have a much easier time of it. Because you travel in a straight line until you hit something, it's easy to predict where you're going to end up. There's no penalty for restarting, so if you'd rather rely on trial-and-error, that's fine, too. Guardian Rock has all the time in the world, but those little raiders aren't going to smash themselves.
The game introduces new elements as you go along to either help or hinder you. Cannons? Bad. Ghosts? Good! What's nice is that Guardian Rock does a good job of mixing several of these things together in clever ways to make puzzles more challenging, rather than sticking to one for several levels before abandoning it. Curiously, the game also provides an option for you to purchase (yes, with money) keys that will let you skip a level if you find it too difficult. Well, okay, I guess, but why bother forking out money for a game you're not actually playing then? Yes, there were times when I was absolutely confounded by a level for so long I began questioning my own intelligence, but it just made figuring the puzzles out that much sweeter when I succeeded. Hey, I'm not stupid! High five! Whew, what a rush.
It's curious that a giant sentient rock powerful enough to render people into nothing but a puff of smoke and a numerical value can be destroyed by a wooden spear. But then if I start whining about that, I'd also have to whine about, well, the giant sentient rock. Or how ghosts can act as a wall. And I think I'd rather just enjoy the game and avoid the spears. With a retro vibe, top-notch presentation, and addictive gameplay, Guardian Rock is a whole lot of bashing fun packed into one scowly little package. So don't delay; do your part to prevent the overpopulation of tiny tomb raiders today!