Internet! I call upon you to cast aside your memes and your chat roulettes, your Yahoo Answers trolling and your firsts, to take up this most noble of quests, this most urgent of endeavours, and play these games or... or... uh... hm. Well... nothing will happen, I guess. Huh. Should've... should've checked that out to make sure before I went ahead and commissioned your adventuring party. But, hey, I'm sure it's cool. After all, how much can a level 16 dwarven berserker with 19 strength and a level 18 Thayvian wizard with a staff of power cost, right?... right?... hey, can I borrow a couple priceless artifacts?
- Tiny Blockman - Sometimes, you wake up in the morning a second before your alarm is due to go off, and you stare at the ceiling, and you think, "I wish I was a tiny orange dude with super flatulent jumping powers." And then the alarm rings and the spell breaks and you heave yourself out of bed with a sigh for another day of working for the Man. Well I say to you NO LONGER! Just fire up this little platformer and live out your little orange dude bein', mega jump doin' fantasies.
- Ninja Painter - There are a lot of skills and powers I would probably use irresponsibly if I had them, which is one of thirteen reasons on the bullet-point list Superman read me about why I'm banned from the Super Friends. However, if you must use your ninja bamf-zip powers for good and not flipping out and killing everyone, painting seems as good a choice as any. In this adorable little puzzle game your task is to speed around the screen, gathering the proper paint colours, and then painting the corresponding areas. It's simple and maybe a little too easy, but oh so ninja responsible.
- Tube Crisis - I've never been on a subway train, because if Fear Net and Chiller have taught me anything it's that they are the exclusive domain of creative murderers and sociopaths (thanks a lot, Clive Barker, Franka Potente), but apparently the truth is much ickier. In this short, silly point-and-click puzzler, it's your job to get the girl crammed in with other travelers a bit of much-needed breathing room by figuring out the correct order to click on things to get people to leave. If only real life were true to fiction, I would have found traveling by Greyhound much more palatable.
- The God of Poverty - I can't help but think Wang Lung's farming would have gone a bit better if he had starred in a point-and-click title like this. There would have been less tear-stained pages if all he'd had to contend with when poverty came a'knockin' was a pair of ninja playing catch on his roof. Yes, it's another surreal set of screens from your friend and mine Minoto, where it seems like every day is a nonsensical wonderland of visual stimuli and anything that isn't adorable isn't allowed. (Which is apparently what half the people I meet think Canada is like.)