Oh boy oh boy oh boy.
Have I got a treat for you, faceless yet beloved reader. It's Robot Unicorn Attack from Adult Swim, the game where you race a magical robotic unicorn across a purple landscape and smash stars before they can smash you.
The game does all the running for you. All your hooves have to do is tap [Z] to jump, tap it again to double-jump, and tap [X] to perform a dash attack that will break through stars. While in mid-air, you can actually hold [Z] after you've jumped to glide majestically for a bit. Avoid running into obstacles, and falling into the fathomless pit that is the magical robot unicorn realm, and collect floating... fairy... things for points. You've got three lives, or "wishes" in this case, and at the end your score is tallied up. You can then use said score to brag to all your friends about how good you are at racing pretty unicorns while remaining blissfully ignorant of their glazed expressions. That's... pretty much it. There's no real pay-off for your glorious stampede other than increasingly bigger numbers and the knowledge that you've just spent minutes you'll never get back listening to Erasure. Ridiculous? Absolutely. But since when did you need to take yourself seriously to have fun?
Alright, so it's essentially Canabalt with a robot unicorn, and sometimes a robot dolphin. But while it's just as addictive as Canabalt, it's not quite as polished. There are far too many leaps of faith the further you get into the game, and it's also desperately in need of some variation in the scenery department. I don't know about you, but I've always envisioned the realm of the robot unicorns to look a bit more magical than that. Or at least not quite so empty and boring.
It's a bright, colourful, cotton-candy puff of a game, and while it's hardly the most substantial offering out there, it's easily one of the most unique. Forget that it's a game so frilly and sparkly even a six-year-old girl might raise an eyebrow at it. Forget that I'm going to be making fun of you for singing along. Instead, just let go, feel the wind in your glorious mane... and believe.