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Quest For The Crown

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Rating: 4.7/5 (586 votes)
Comments (141) | Views (29,005)
DoraQuest for the Crown[Note: Enjoy this classic example of why our readers are the best. No foolin'!]

How many games have you played today? In the past week? The past month? You could name a handful, I'm sure, but ultimately there would be at least one or two you had forgotten. After all, "unforgettable" is a pretty bold claim, and there's a reason few games are proud enough to make it. They may be pleasant enough diversions while you're experiencing them, but are ultimately as transitory as the scent of orange blossoms on the breeze. Quest for the Crown, by contrast, is not a breeze but a gale — racing down from the frigid peak of a mountain to blast you wide awake from your gaming funk and make you realise the brilliancy of the world you've been missing all along. And maybe — just maybe — change the way you look at the RPG genre forever.

Quest for the Crown is an incredible achievement, on many levels. The simple title — so evocative of the simpler times we all yearn for — is deceptive, for therein lies a behemoth of an adventure, ready to pull you under with the implacable force of a tidal wave. A tidal wave of fantasticosity. In the tradition of Tolkien, Quest for the Crown is a story about an unlikely hero up against incredible odds, thrust out into an unforgiving wilderness with only his sword — and his faith — to stand against the forces of darkness that would overrun the land like ink spreading across the pure white linen of a nun's whimple.

Perhaps to make up for the at times overwhelming story and break-neck pacing, Quest for the Crown has made it's controls as simple as possible. You navigate with the arrow or [WASD] keys, and hold down the [2], [ctrl], [L], and [NUM LOCK] keys to execute your special Worldbreaker attack, which should be saved for one of the many climactic boss battles, which are set to occur based on the questions you'll answer at the end of the game's extensive tutorial. The downside is that while there are six different weapons to acquire throughout the course of the game, you'll likely find that the sword the game starts you off with will be just as effective as the Planar Thunderhammer, if not quite as flashy.

Analysis: Quest for the Crown is not exactly a new game, coming quietly onto the scene in 2003, and a lack of budgeting for advertising meant it saw little play beyond it's dedicated following. It was also hindered by the fact that it was more than a little ahead of it's time, and even some newer machines had trouble running it. Even today, I find my processor still chugs with effort on some of the more graphic-intensive cutscenes.

One aspect of the game that might frustrate more casual players is the creator's apparent inability to make any fight anything less than a teeth-gnashing, bloody-knuckled, scraped-knee challenge. Even standard monster encounters on the map require a degree of strategy and occasionally what appears to be blind luck. It's good to feel like you're working for your achievements, especially when the end result is as satisfying as Quest for the Crown is, but the difficulty curve starts off the scale and stays there, like a cow in the middle of a dirt road.

Thankfully, combat is secondary in the game to the plot itself, which is often sorely neglected even in other so-called RPG titles. I can't remember the last time I grew so attached to a cast of characters, and the depth of characterisation put into even the main villain — here voiced by the always wonderful Ian McKellen, whose performance practically oozes sepulchral menace from your speakers — is really impressive. Unfortunately, most of us will see the plot-twist midway through the game coming about a mile away, but it still doesn't take the emotional impact away from a truly inspired scene, scripted, of course, by the well-known A. Bear.

I know I've been more than a little vague in regards to some aspects of the story, and I almost feel like I should apologise for it... but I can't. We've all had things spoiled for us in the past, whether it be the end of a book or someone telling you that the Cadbury bunny isn't really leaving that candy all over your yard every year, and I can't be responsible for that this time. Quest for the Crown is one of those rare games that actually feels important — not just because it sets a new benchmark for quality, but because of the things it's brave enough to say about life, love, friendship, and courage. It requires a bit more of a commitment in time than most other games we feature here, but ultimately, I think, you'll find it well worth it.

Play Quest for the Crown



  • First thing is first, You will need to level up until you are level 35. The fastest way to level up is by adventuring naked.

  • Once you are level 35 you can enter the cave of wonders.

  • Once you are inside the cave, use the rope to your level to lower yourself past the chimera to the fourth level of the cave.

  • Locate the Sword of Whispers. To pull it out you will need to use the notepad from your inventory and enter in the letters you see written on the wall in the order 4,3,5,1,2. The letters are different each time you play.

  • Once you have the sword of whispers, take the escalator back up to level 2 of the cave and defeat the chimera by telling it that it's adopted and it's parents don't love it. Once you do this you can get the shield of a thousand suns.

  • By now you should be at least level 53.

  • If you chose the mage class head over to the caverns of freezer burn, and use the shield of a thousand suns to burn a hole in the north wall, where you will find a map to the crown. If you chose the warrior class head to the Forest of Streisand. Use the light emitted from the shield of a thousand suns against the darkness, and the map to the crown should be on a pedestal in the middle of the forest.

  • Follow the map in reverse order to the crown. If you are not level 75 by the time you find the crown then you should go back and level up a bit. The last boss is difficult.

  • Once you are at the last boss use your ultima attack against its right most head. The second head from the left is weak against poison attacks. The one in the middle is weak against fire. The head on left fears NOTHING so avoid eye contact.

  • Once you've defeated the boss make sure to remove your pants for the secret ending.

Hope this walkthrough helped! :D


thanks for the walkthrough, but I'm a little confused about the chimera and the sword of whispers. The menu option for you parent's don't love you isn't coming up, my only explanation is that the order for the letters for the Sword were different for me, can someone else confirm this?


What an amazing game! The graphics were by far excellent, the plot was great, and yet they were able to uphold and emphasize values throughout the game!

Here is what you should expect for the plot:

Your girlfriend is gone, so you need to venture into the Forest of Secrets to find her. You constantly meets a man who disturbs you (He's a little funny). The scary trees nearer to the middle of the forest lowers your scare meter as you venture further. You will come across many traps, monsters and puzzles along the way. When you get to the middle of the forest, you will find that your girlfriend is not really there after all, but you meet the man. He interrogates you, then locks you up in a room. After escaping, you decide to find your girlfriend, who is apparently lost in the forest. There will be many clues around. When you find your girlfriend, you are captured by the Other World, and upon escape, your girlfriend betrays you and she destroys your life. You must stalk her down and kill her. When you kill her, you remember that it was the man who made her so bad in the first place, so you try to kill the man. The man who disturbed you is quite helpful in this part, allowing you to travel through time and space, which does make you very confused, although at the end you kill the man anyway. The police haunt you, and you must survive in the wilderness for quite long, in the end the man who had disturbed you helps you again to go to the past, to make you no more engaged to your so-called girlfriend by killing her. Your past self kills himself in love, and all of a sudden the man disappears. You start again, right from the beginning, but I shall not spoil the next part for you...

There are 10 parts in total. Well, that's what the description says. I haven't finished the game yet. In fact, I'm still being disturbed by that man...

To add to all that, the graphics was so good you may think it pops out of the screen. Even better, with each level, the graphics and objectives change, unlike defend your castle, so you will be encouraged to continue playing it as the days go by. It may change to a 3d interface to a platformer, then to a room escape interface, then a puzzle, then a shooting game, mnaking it all the more fun.

Oh, and there's a save function.


not funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pop on a stick..


I've a feeling it is another april fool's joke

There're no graphics , stories etc.

Just one stupid field with nothing but a crown....


I'm stuck at the part where you have to burn the rope...

turkoid April 1, 2009 7:25 AM

i cant believe i missed this game back in the day. maybe they will make some kind of sequel. i hope they do!

Pieter8888 April 1, 2009 7:33 AM

@ baba

You've unlocked the "Burn the rope reference" badge!

serously this has got to be the most funny epic RPG game posted on jayisgames EVER!


Loved this game! Not sure if I missed it when it first game out, but have definitely played it a couple years ago. Definitely think people should put some time into this game, even if it's just a couple minutes, it's worth the time.


Why isn't there an iPhone version of this game yet?


I've been a fan of this game for years, and I am overjoyed to see it posted on JIG today. Even though I have played through the entire game several times before, it brings back many happy memories to do so once again.

Thanks for the walkthrough! You've helped me remember how to do the parts I was struggling with after not playing in such a long time.

@Dan, regarding the chimera and Sword of Whispers:

As Kero says, the letters are indeed meant to be different each time you play, but I don't think this should have the effect you describe. If anything, it sounds like your Sword of Whispers doesn't yet love you enough to cooperate with you and use its powers to enable the menu option that you need when you face the chimera.

To check this, open the items menu, select the Sword of Whispers and check its Affinity for you. If it's not at least 75, you haven't yet spent enough time battling with the Sword equipped. The Affinity usually becomes high enough during the normal course of the game (probably hence the reason Kero didn't mention it in the walkthrough), but if you didn't bother to equip the Sword right away, or if you've been skipping some battles, there's a good chance it will be too low.

If this is the case, I recommend equipping it and going to fight a few more battles. Make sure you make it feel loved and needed! Always ensure the Sword feels like it alone was responsible for your victory, and that you couldn't have succeeded without it. Don't unequip it or switch to another weapon at any time until after you defeat the chimera, or the Sword's trust for you will be severely damaged and its Affinity for you will promptly drop significantly.

In fact, if you discard all your other equipment (not sell, since the Sword will think you plan to buy it back again later with the money), the Sword's Affinity for you will then begin to rise at a much faster rate since it will feel you trust it completely with your life, but of course, this method is somewhat more risky.

Finally, if the Sword gets damaged during battle, make sure to get it repaired as soon as you can: This will boost its Affinity much quicker than simply battling with it, since it will be obvious to the Sword that you really care for it.

I've heard rumors of a hidden class in a recent update to the game; does anyone else know any more details of this?

Demonskrye April 1, 2009 9:04 AM

I would definitely recommend reading the manual before you start playing. In addition to helping to familiarize you with the often complex gameplay, it provides a wealth of fascinating background information on the world of the game which adds even more depth to the experience.


This masterpiece proves beyond all argument the PCGA's recent comments at the Game Developers Conference that "the PC is the number one platform for gaming worldwide".

No console game could ever hope to come close to this sort of perfection.


Just like a knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away

I am a man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of
We're gonna live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

Grand, now I must go watch Karate Kid II...



The combat system seems to be a little unwieldy but the boss battles are just breathtaking. I was going to play through Final Fantasy 6 again sometime soon - I think Quest For The Crown just trumped it...

_Kateish_ April 1, 2009 9:59 AM

Wow... This game..

I wept, then coughed up a lung...



The intro twice mentions "man eating plants." It made me think of this: https://jayisgames.com/images/hs_pam_questforthecrown_joe.jpg

That's a pretty important hyphen to be missing.


The internet has made me hate April Fool's Day.

Wisedude April 1, 2009 10:45 AM

Fantastic! Truly the best game I have played in ages! I could see this turned into a true franchise!


I know this sounds stupid, but in the second room I can't figure out what to say to the giant to get him lower the ladder for me.


they should release a soundtrack for this game :)


Oh gosh, that would be AWESOME if somebody would release a game like Quest for the Crown or Burn the Rope on the iPhone, and the masses of the internet could artificially raise its score on iTunes...

...maybe next year?

spamhole April 1, 2009 11:48 AM

I should've known by the

enormous, flowery, overdone review

that this would be less interesting than

You Have to Burn the Rope

By the way,

I know it's April Fool's Day, but can we have a real game to play, too? As far as April Fool's Day gags go, this gets a 3 out of 5. I appreciate the effort, but it was done a couple of months ago, so it it loses points for being unoriginal.


I'm stuck in the Hall of Infinite Bad Comedians. I know I'm supposed to convince them that they're not funny, but nothing seems to be working. What can I do, fellow JIGgers?

Bored_in_MD April 1, 2009 12:04 PM

ok-i had to sign up just to comment on this! It was not unexpected but good none the less!


Ugh. I get what you're saying, but IMO it's annoyingly hard, even on easy mode. Storyline is thrilling, but I rather wish they'd toned down the combat difficulty.

Anonymous April 1, 2009 12:09 PM

I just bought this computer....It overheated and blew up...I was so close....

Anonymous April 1, 2009 12:12 PM

i kept dying so after about 4 hours i gave up


Anonymous April 1, 2009 12:15 PM

Dont believe the hype.


Bad link - this link goes to a really old game. I can't find the right one on web. please fix.

Patreon Crew SonicLover April 1, 2009 12:28 PM

When I reviewed YHTBTR, I never deliberately lied or exaggerated anything. I just quoted everyone who did. That way I can't be sued for false advertising.

Dora here, on the other hand...

waycooler April 1, 2009 12:47 PM

rofl @ Dora's response to SonicLover just now.

I'm pretty sure this was LDF'ed a while back. I definitely remember playing it before at some point. I think. Maybe. I'm not too sure.

But I love how JIG has started YHTBTR-ing such games as these.


Re: Hall of Infinite Bad Comedians:

Just leave. I know, it sounds like it won't work, but that's it. In order for it to work, though, you have to go into a town or a dungeon, then leave and come back. (I recommend going to the town of Galadriella since it's the closest).

After that, you get the golden cocktail napkin which you can then use to go see Robard the Drunkard who will give you in exchange for the napkin the Wrecker's Olive.

What's the Wrecker's Olive do? Glad you asked. With the Wrecker's Olive you must now travel to Tintingal. I recommend getting the shouting sword (which can be won if you beat the chimera, but he only has a ten percent chance to drop, so if you beat him earlier but didn't get it, you may want to load up a saved game from before you beat him and try again) and the shadow whisp armor because the journey to Tintingal is long and you fight some of the toughest monsters in the game.

Once you get to Tintingal you have to give the wrecker's olive to Sasmdub, he's the foreman working at the docks, and he'll send you on the quest for Reoh's Hammer. This is, as he puts it, the "legendary platinum hammer that Reoh used to slay the Jabberwok." Yes, you're going to have to fight a Jabberwok as well. But before that you have to go on the quest for Reoh's Hammer which begins in the cave on the outskirts of Tintingal.

If you thought getting to Tintingal was tough you ain't seen nothin' yet. Be very careful of the arrow traps; look for the telltale holes in the ground!

Once you get Reoh's Hammer, you can finally face the Jabberwok on Skull's Eye Mountain.

An alternative way to beat the Jabberwok is if you stay through the entire set at the hall of Infinite Bad Comedians. It takes a while, so I would leave the game running in the background and go do something else. If you do this, eventually everyone else will have left and out of gratitude, Wringworm the Wretched will present you with the Vorpal Sword.

But honestly, getting Reoh's Hammer is quicker and probably easier.

Hope that helps!


I've now saved the land of Landlandia from the evil Lord Nonesuch six times, and have acquired six pairs of Seven League Boots as a result. Unfortunately, though, this has now made Sir Legowmann so breathtakingly fast that I can no longer guide him accurately enough into the entrance of Lord Nonesuch's fortress.

The first six pairs of Seven league Boots were much easier to get in comparison, and I'm finding acquiring the seventh pair extremely difficult; perhaps even impossible. Has anyone actually accomplished this, and could perhaps offer advice?


Tayrin: Instead of wearing all 6 pairs on your feet, wear one or two on your hands. This will slow you down you you can move accurately and you will also attack much faster. Make sure that you take them off before you grab the crown. No one wants to get smelly boots all over their crown, especially after having to quest for it.

Patreon Crew SonicLover April 1, 2009 1:32 PM

Tayrin actually raises a significant point if you know where it comes from. Watch what happens to the main character's movement when you beat the game and click "Play Again".


Thanks for the suggestion, Kero, though these boots seem to be cursed; Sir Legowmann presumably equips them on his feet during the end credits, then subsequently refuses to remove them during any of the following playthroughs.

Thanks for the support, SonicLover! It really is hard to be taken seriously on such a seriously silly day as today.

In case anyone's unfamiliar with the Seven League Boots that I mentioned I was having trouble with, the Official Strategy Guide covers them briefly, though it does contain many spoilers!


Yep, there's nothing funnier than walls of text, threatening to eat the souls of your children. By the time I got to the part in the review where it got typoed as "Quest for the King", I lost interest. Does anyone have any links to speedrun videos? Preferably ones that have the Katamari theme or Yakety Sax as background music?

EasyGoing April 1, 2009 3:09 PM

Wow. Raised the fun factor by 200% when I found a secret/trick/cheat ... well 200% more of "not much" :)

You don't have to collect the crown to win. When standing next to the crown step any way but no to the crown and you still win.

And by the way .. wasn't this game already presented on JIG?

Gryphon78 April 1, 2009 3:32 PM

tayrin, I am at the same point as you, and I find that the key to this puzzle may very probably lay in the top brik of the triforce fields. I still have not, however, obtained the seventh pair of seven league boots. I find it maddening how, between each replay, the infinite bad comedians force you to listen to their act with no chance of escape. unless, of course, you wish to delete your entire save data and forget about the game completely.


The first King's Quest game was called "Quest for the Crown" if memory serves. Now that was a fun game, or a great series. Let's go play that!

Have you hugged your nonsensicality today?

Gryphon78 April 1, 2009 3:34 PM

aha! i have managed to attain the seventh pair of seven league boots, by simultaneously moving North and West to jump through the briks to the entrance of the fortress. it may have been a glitch, but I assure you it did happen!


Yeah, Gryphon, that was a glitch. For everyone else trying to get the seventh pair of boots:

Okay, you need to just ignore the hall of infinite bad comedians this time around and instead visit the murky depths. It's a hidden hotspot just off the coast of Howondaland north of where it borders with Uberwald.

From the entrance of the murky depths you can choose to go left or right. If you go left, you will run up against all the old boss monsters (chimera, Jabberwok, etc.), with quadruple their normal stats. (For those who have figured out Kero's suggest of wearing the boots on the hands, this tactic is a HUGE help) Beat them and you reach the Gold Chamber of Violent Lucidity.

or you can go right and face Aziphareale the Strange. This is the FATHER of the infinite bad comedians, and is ten times worse than all of them combined. You must either sit through his entire skit (about twenty minutes), or you can perform three successful heckles. The upside to heckling is that you gain tons of experience with each successful heckle, the downside is if Aziphareale counters the heckle, it's an instant kill! If you survive Aziphareale you go to the Silver Chamber of Violent Lucidity.

When you get to the gold or silver chambers, there is a lever and a lot of floor switches. The lever will do nothing if you operate it, but operate it anyway, then move all the crates sokoban style ontop of all the floor switches, this will open up a secret passage to the other chamber of violent lucidity.

When you're in the other chamber of violent lucidity, throw the other lever and in both chambers a door will open revealing a single chamber to the north.

Here in the Hall of the Ancients, you find a treasure chest guarded by Bahamut X pi. THIS IS THE TOUGHEST BATTLE I HAVE FOUND IN THE GAME!!!!!!! Lots of heals and equip secondary and tertiary weapons as well as any buffs and jewelry you might have and if you are lucky, you just might live. If you do, you will be rewarded with the remote control bangle.

This little guy when equipped allows you to select all of your boots so that you can vary speed and other stats they offer allowing you to have one more go and attain the seventh set of boots.

Hope that helps!


On second thought, Gryphon's way might be easier.


Gryphon78! You're right. I, also, indeed progressed further by using the method you describe, a short while after I made my previous post.

Unfortunately, though, I am now finding it extremely difficult to collect my fifteenth pair of Seven League Boots, though the previous few pairs were deceptively easy to acquire.

Black Plague April 1, 2009 3:54 PM


I've found all the Sephiroth dolls, but I can't resurrect Aeris or General Leo!

Gryphon78 April 1, 2009 4:03 PM

I have tested it many times, with up to 9 (!) seven league boots on. if you manage to get within 1 movement (without the seven league boots) of the entrance, you can move simultaneously East and either North or South, depending on which direction the center of the fortress is, to achieve yet another pair of seven league boots.

frozenfloes April 1, 2009 4:28 PM

Does anyone have any tips on finding the secret area in Nolrath's Cave? I know you have to run between the two cavewalls, but I'm not exactly sure what to do after that. I tried running into one of the walls, but I only got a glitch that made my character fall into a great abyss (and tragically ruined my save data).

Anyway, this is most definitely worth the price of admission just for the cut scene involving Carebears and a giant purple percent sign that ate China.

Anonymous April 1, 2009 5:04 PM

It took me hours to beat this game.

The map was huge! I kept getting lost.
The plot was also amazing... and the music
Really well done.


So which is the best part of this game?

The "Additional writing" line


The "Product planner" line?

Dr. Worm April 1, 2009 5:16 PM

This just might be the BEST game I've EVER PLAYED.

Dungbeetle April 1, 2009 5:22 PM

The graphics were stunning! I didn't know you could do things like that with flash. I can't wait for a sequel! Just a note. when you reach level 23, if you replace your gloves with the chalice of truth, then a secret portion of the map is revealed.


When you said "It requires a bit more of a commitment in time than most other games", I was expecting another "infinite loading sequence" game like Bend To Me, from a few years back. I was pleasantly surprised.


Bravo, JIG. Some of the best comedy/misdirection writing I've seen in some time :).

Whight Night April 1, 2009 6:08 PM

Black Plague:

Remember what the Red Cleric said back in the Inn of Forgiveness? These are nesting dolls. You have to stack them in eachother in the right order for the summons to work.

Can anyone tell me what the Grand Heffbah ment by "find the rabbit on the cover"? Cover to what? Nothing in my inventory has a "cover".

fuzzyface April 1, 2009 6:09 PM

IMHO this lets fake overdo everything jokes (article, analysis, walkthrough, most of the comments) were at the begin funny with You Have To Burn The Rope, but became old very fast. Maybe I'm just such a moper, but this time this jokeline is realy waaaaay overused already.

Soakerman April 1, 2009 6:12 PM

wow stop joking around there are no attacks there is nothing you press the keys like 10 times max this was a waste of time

Wisedude April 1, 2009 6:38 PM

@Wight Night

On the cover sheet, duh!

Could someone help me against the great demon lord Gl'buzzle. I know he's weak to lightning but I missed getting the spear of great thunder earlier. Some help?


Ah, nostalgia. This game will always have a special place in my heart.

Hikari no Sakura April 1, 2009 8:03 PM

Nice, discreet and good humored April fool joke that REALLY had me fooled for a sec, until I saw that the game's in flash

aNDY the aNON April 1, 2009 8:14 PM

owow. I ♥ this game!!!

thank you for the walkthrough. I could NEVER have beaten this game without it...

at the same time I missed 1 chaos emerald (i think it WAS that one behind the queens picture - *facepalm* - it was on FIRE...) and now the credits are flashing "LOSER - LOSER - LOSER - YOU DID NOT GLEAN ALL CRYSTALS - REPLAY TO TRY AGAIN - TO GET CODE FOR BETA LOGIN FOR QUEST FOR THE CROWN 2"


Also my computer kept freezing up, and OF COURSE the idiot never saved. Finally I started saving every couple seconds just in case. Anyone else have this problem?


On the way to the

cliffs of nostalgia

where you face the

evil laughing kookaburra

you can choose to

defend the magic purple snail from the evil giant kookaburra


feed it to the kookaburra so that you can pass him without a fight

O.K. instead of the second choice, you protect it, die, revive in the

swamps of ooze

fight your way out and back to the


and then equip the

elephants-never-forget amulet

Next use the

reload/redo potion

to go back
Then equip the

flashback charm

and repeat 5 times

that should unlock an awesome secret cutscene where you get to watch the

Evil laughing kookaburra fry himself on a 'lectric wire

P.S. who does the music?


Soakerman, you obviously selected the wrong version this has not been, nor ever will be a waste of time, furthermore what do you mean no attacks? this game is full of combat packed action scenes especially the bosses (which i might add get harder after you beat it a few times for me they're nigh impossible thankfully

i have a pet gryphon to help me out


Wait, how'd you get a gryphon? I've beaten this thing about forty-two times and I haven't once figured out how to get a pet gryphon!

Is it like a summon, or can you add it to your party?


Don't reveal my spoiler! Both actually though, you summon it then it joins you party, forty-two times? really I

stopped when it was all about mashing random directions

got to about 20ish? however to get the gryphon all you have to do is

remember the "Tutorial cave" go there then

find the hidden tablet and chisel then carve in the answer to the riddle that you find for which you have to find and un-anagram the letters hidden across the map or

just type in "gryphon"

and voila your own pet gryphon

simple right?

I really mean that i use a slightly modified version of gryphon78's method


I read the review and was like: "Holy Cow! Rated 4.9/5! Gotta play this game!" And I told my roommate how great this game sounded.
Then I played it.
You got me, JIG. Excellent job.

Anonymous April 1, 2009 9:17 PM



I found a glitch:

If you avoid every monster on the way to the cave of wonders, you can go in the tall grass nearby to find a torch. Then if you take your sword and use the ruby emerald on the end to cast your fire spell. Then you use the torch to get into the cave. Once you get the sword of whispers, you pick the option that says "tell the Chimera a riddle" instead of "tell the Chimera that it is adopted and its parents dont love it." It will be so distracted that you'll be able to choose n00b instead of mage or warrior. Im stuck after that. Does anyone know what to do?


My bad on the spoilers...


Didn't even think to go back to the tutorial cave. On all my subsequent plays through I just skipped it altogether. That'll larn me, lol!

frozenfloes April 1, 2009 10:01 PM


I ran across the same problem before I discovered that you can forge a Staff of Storms and a Metal Amulet together in the town of Locomotor (you know, where you meet Thomas) to obtain another Spear of Great Thunder.

I've also heard of this really bizarre strategy where you use the Seventh Song of Drizzle to drown Gl'buzzle, then you strike him exactly seven times in the left knee (one time each second, on the dot) and the game will glitch up so that he loses that knee, then it should be easy to beat him, if you have the Silver Lance of Forkery by this point.


Where's the crown!? I've looked in every possible room and all I've found are random equipment and it's so annoying to keep fighting those regenerating skeletons!!

PandaKnight April 1, 2009 10:15 PM

It's awfully cOLD in here.


Oh, for some computers the link will open a different version of the game. That walkthrough can be found here:

zbeeblebrox April 1, 2009 10:45 PM

amenos42 - If the progress bar is at 15%, the game has actually already loaded. This is why some people are leaving vaguely angry or bewildered comments. Let me explain:

I know it looks inactive, but go to the grayed out menu tab and click on it. It will open in the background and you'll see an image of your character behind the progress bar. After a moment, he'll become self-aware and drop down. He'll then explain that he's been trapped in limbo by Lord Nonesuch, and that some higher being must've saved him. Congratulations, you just completed the first quest.

On that note, I think I just found a fascinating bug in the "Giant's Drink" area:

So, the giant offers you two drinks claiming that one is poisoned, but anyone who's played the game more than once already knows that it's a fraud - BOTH drinks will poison you, because the whole sequence is just a method to progress the game to the Everlasting Tower of Far-flung Sorrows, 500 miles East, so that you can finally meet the Fire Queen for tea.

BUUUT! If, instead of excepting either drink, you kill the Giant by stabbing him specifically in the left eye, you'll be able to progress forward, into an area the game hasn't seen before. As far as I can tell, this is outside the game's boundaries, which forces it to make things up as you go along. I've been wandering around here for a couple hours now, and random story concepts have been tossed at me at every turn. It's pretty crazy, but also a little disturbing. Just ten minutes ago, I was presented with a mirror where an image of my real-life brother's face appeared, and challenged me to enter the land of Gods. He then turned my character into a flying turtle.

Anyway, I figured some of you guys might like to try that out. Especially the Enders out there.


I loved the depth of the characters. Every one was so realistic and complex. I felt so bad for the chimera I cried :(

This game made my day just as much as my e-mail about ThinkGeeks new items.


Oh boy.. :P

Not that it isn't a good joke but YHTBTR is enough already! lol :D

Anonymous April 1, 2009 11:51 PM

The cake is a lie.

Sylocat April 2, 2009 1:37 AM

It was funny the first time, guys.


I lost my sword of whispers in the Secret Cave and the game is in turmoil! Can't seem to do anything. I've already reached level 35, but nothing yet. Can someone help?

P.S. The gnome palace section was very funny

ilikepie59 April 2, 2009 7:08 AM

Ok, I know it's an april fools joke, but really...
How many YHTBTR-esque games will there be?
I guess the idea behind the first game was kind of funny, but I don't get how anyone thinks these are still entertaining. The fake walkthroughs, the epic descriptions, the fan clubs (seriously, they exist). It's old, and I hope people will soon realise that.


Wow! This might even be better then YHTBTR, and that's saying a lot!

Rebecca April 2, 2009 7:15 PM

Breathtaking, really. It's literally stunning.


Guys, I don't think you guys quite get the Sword of Whispers yet. Kero was a little vague in his walkthrough...

You see, your affinity does not affect how easy it is to use the sword. But the sword counts...

a traded pokemon. Therefore...

...You'll need to get at least the second gym badge to make it listen to you! The fourth if it's already over level 30.

darlingdestruction April 2, 2009 7:59 PM


...I actually sort of fell for it...

zbeeblebrox April 2, 2009 10:39 PM

ilikepie59, Quest for the Crown actually predates YHTBTR. :p

So a more accurate question would've look like:
"How many QftC-esque games will there be?"

Griff, you fool!

I'm guessing you're at the 2/3s mark, because there's no way you can beat the game using your strategy. By winning the gym badge, you've only gained a superficial respect from the Sword, and it will leave you at the first sign of incompetence, or if you encounter the flashy hero in the Relm of Poseurs. Whatever you do at this point, DO NOT accidentally spill coffee on its hilt when the barmaid gives you a free cup at the Tavern of Taverns, otherwise it'll cast "This is the last straw" on itself and disappear forever. So keep that in mind.

But all is not lost!

Go back to the gym and trade the badge in for a Snakechu, to show your humility and generosity - both of which give you Kudos toward the Science Cult in the Chamber of Skeptics. For the most part, Snakechu is pretty useless at first - prefering to hide in boxes or call his Boss instead of fighting, but keep him active anyway. Now go and redo the chimera level properly with the Snakechu by your side. This done, you'll have gained the Sword of Whispers' true respect, AND you'll be on your way to evolving your pokemon into a Metal Gear-o-Mon, which will be really helpful for battling the Long-Winded-Cut-Scene monster, JayArrPee-G, over in Hyrulia.

Wisedude April 3, 2009 12:37 AM

I may sound dumb for saying this but,

I can see the crown, there's just one final impenitrible barrier. With a slot shaped like a turtle. Where can I get the turtle keystone?



I already got through the Mountains of Very Bad Engrish, but I need to Wreck the Very Tall Tower to get the Ocarina of Time so I can grab the super secret card deck to beat That Creepy Guy in the Piano! I found the Wrecking Ball, but it requires 4 Gym Badges. I found the 4th Gym, but I need to defend the Gym Leader in court, and the final piece of evidence is found underwater! And it requires a trident-shaped key to obtain! Where can I find that key?

Also, the "crown" Wisedude claims to have seen is actually a fake one created by The 14th Arcanum. I know...I've been there.


I see your problem,

You should go to the very badly speaking spenish man.
if you survive his onslaught of language, he wil give you the round and yellow key.
use that to get into the Tower of Underground art, where they will give you a trident shaped key, if you give them a teeth of a golem and 10 fake corwns.
I cant remember where they are, sry

zbeeblebrox April 3, 2009 2:44 PM

Qulli, regarding the teeth:

They're right there, in the Tower of Underground art. You're just not appreciating the art correctly. Go buy fancy wine from the Snoot dealer in France, then come back. Also, all ten fake crowns are in the Andy Warhol gallery, inside the same painting. You'll need a Psychonaut's help to jump inside. I'm sure you know where to find them by now.

Wisedude April 3, 2009 6:09 PM


What are you talking about? You don't meet the Psychonauts until you manage to survive the LolCat air-raid. And we both know when that happens.

zbeeblebrox April 3, 2009 7:27 PM

Oh! My bad, I assumed Quilli was

on a second play-through of the game, wherein the Psychonauts are already your allies. But you're right, that'd be a terrible strategy on a first run. The lolcats would decimate you. Even with a Splitter rifle equipped.

Wisedude April 3, 2009 8:27 PM

Okay, I've got the seventeen songs of flaming ice. I also found the flute song of the Q'uindors. I went back to the desert of 1,000 man hours and played the flute in the right order. The seventeen songs and the Q'uindor song removed most of the sand, and I can see the Airship...but the landing gear is stuck. Help?


umm..help? how do i start playing? i see poor graphics of a field and a little stick figure with a sword and the crown plus credits..aren't i missing something?


Wisedude April 4, 2009 1:37 PM


You must have accidently wandered into the bad graphics field. Perhaps you should check the date of the review?

Yes, I have one. April 5, 2009 4:18 PM

For anyone wondering

To get past the cave of Bad Comedians without having to leave, simply cast arcane brilliance to boost their intellegence, then walk around the room 7 times in a row, sacrifice a small child while chanting a prayer to the heathen gods, and finally shut off your computer and drive a rusty screw through your monitor.

Wisedude April 5, 2009 8:19 PM

Yes, I have one.

I'm not sure about your solution. At the end I had a screw through my monitor.


It seems that you guys completely overlooked the only challenge of the game: it actually gets harder each time you win the game.
For example, try winning the 7th time if you dare... I still haven't succeeded.


Oh, really?


Well, I think the review and all these comments are a good little essay on what we want in a game. Call it "the Game of our Dreams"!


hey Felix, I was looking through a few posts earlier and yea....people just tried it and gave up, but the seventh attempt leads to an absolute impossibility. there's no way at all (not that even find by looking at it) that the 7th attempt can ever be finished lol

to bad no one noticed that before

Wisedude April 7, 2009 1:08 AM

Shame that "Quest for the Ruby Emerald" is locked in development hell.



I seem to be stuck on the Corridor of Glitch Pokemon.

You see, I had to find the Metal Gear-mon so I can go through the Exploding Penguin fields. In there, I used my 4 badges to unlock the Anti-Crasher (It's an item that prevents crashing whenever you fight a Glitch Pokemon). Afterwards, I accepted the Army's offer to join the fight against the Glitch Pokemon, then afterwards came the epic fight between The Army of Humongous Mecha, Pirates, Ninjas, Robots, Zombies, Cowboys, Superheroes, The League of Restaurant Mascots, Sith, Jedi, Game Characters, Anime and Western Animation Characters vs. That Question Mark Glitch from The Third Generation of Pokemon and his Trillion Deranged and Malfunctioned Clones. Afterwards, I went into the Glitchy Death Star, and faught A LOT of Glitches. After defeating Missingno. and 3TrainerPoké, I'm currently stuck with 'M. He has, like, an attack that can kill you in one shot! How are you supposed to beat him anyway?

Wisedude April 7, 2009 8:00 PM


You need to synthesize the Anti-Crasher to a sword. Whenever he attacks your sword will just nullify the attack. If you did what your commander told you during the battle however and used it to project a weakening field throughout the Death Star you need to go back into the Death Star, find the controls (guarded by Legolas) and crash it into him.



Thanks. But how do I stop the giant Glitch Cannon from destroying the entire world? I tried the Anti-Crasher sword, but it failed

Wisedude April 8, 2009 7:48 PM

Simple really. Go inside the cannon and cut the wires according to the jumble of words that 3trainerpoke spat out. The glitch power will overload and with a sudden pop the debug gods will remove it from this world. If you can't remember what he said you could sacrifice the anti-crash sword and throw it in the canon, but there is no equivelant to it.

Anonymous April 14, 2009 11:14 AM

I thought this list of comments was the Infinite Hall of Bad Comedians.


they should make a movie out of this game

zbeeblebrox April 17, 2009 2:08 AM

I heard Ewe Boll is actually working on it as we speak. With any luck, the effort will kill him.

AJ - you realize you just spent 20+ hours on an optional side quest, right?

And if you had waited until your forth run-through to do it, you could've bypassed almost everything with the Debug Juicebox you receive from King Nonesuch II in the third runthrough.

And yes, at the very least, this is the finite hall of bad comedians. But hell, I WOULD play this imaginary game! I would be no less than the greatest game of all time.

adam Gunderloy June 3, 2009 10:01 AM

i would like to hep! too bad this game isn't real... if it was, i would beta test for it! okay, it apparently is real, and i am stuck. i have the oracle's head, necromancer class, golden waffle of shineyness, AND chimera's tail, but i STILL can't enter the holy temple of the cursed temple makers! not even my undead behemoth can break down the door! help please!



NOT FUNNY> >:| QUITE the opposite of funny. You should at least correct the review after April Fool's Day. July First and I stumble across a prank.

I am not amused.

arceus121121 July 9, 2009 11:30 PM

Gah! I got the sword to the required affinity level, but I'm out of healing potions and revive crystals, and whenever I go to the inn, the sword tells me I can't sleep there because I'm "invincible" with it, preventing me to heal. And the enemy's back to the chimera are too strong to defeat at my current hp, so I can't heal. I've heard rumors of a forest shrine that boosts your hp AND heals you fully. Could someone tell me where it is (and yes I have exhausted all of my mana so I cannot heal that way either). Please help!

arceus121121 July 9, 2009 11:36 PM

I have found the shrine, but now I can't find the sacred toadstool of the mushroom king and he won't let me leave the forest. I summond the pie fliers but they keep relieving urine on me whenever I try to fly out of the forest. So my last hope is to tell the giant baby arm he is attractive so he can give me my jelly coin to help track the toadstool. But a turbulating flapjack ate it and now I am forced to search for it. Can someone tell me the spell to open the scroll of information-that-you-would-not-find-in-a-walkthrough? I am in need of assistance!

Sheer_Cold July 10, 2009 7:33 AM

Darn. I'm trying to

synthesize the secret ultimate weapon, the Absolute Greatsword. It has ∞ attack, defense, HP, MP, and speed boost, and is the only way to get past the seemingly invincible chimera at the top of Heaven Point. Past that is off the map, but it's rumored to contain a cutscene of a super secret ending released by the developers last week. Problem is, synthesising the Absolute Greatsword requires all the Blue Coins, Ghostly Flowers, hidden dungeon fairies' magic tokens, and the magic eggs obtained from the hidden Ice Key. And if I'm the first to get the secret new ending, I'll be in the new ending's credits :D

adam Gunderloy July 11, 2009 5:24 PM

any help please?

Bethany July 16, 2009 2:23 PM

Jayglo, lighten up!
I thought it was quite funny. I want to play the game they're describing!
Sheer Cold, you have to

sit through the Infinite Hall of Bad Comedians seven times, then they'll give you an Absolute Greatsword.


This is just another bad knockoff of YHTBTR (please tell me you know what that is). Why this is so highly rated beats me.

[Edit: If anything, YHTBTR is a knockoff of Quest for the Crown, since QFTC predates YHTBTR by several years. -Jay]

ZombieKart64 September 17, 2009 6:41 PM

Guys, I need help.
After Months of attempting to beat this game, and 32 hours of the best game I've ever played, I have come to a complete standstill...
Maybe you guys could help?

I got the sword of Niam, and got past world 46, but I got stuck.
The train conductor dropped me off at New Miko City, where I went back to Joan Corp, where they sent me back to my time.
After going through the most detailed cutscene ever, I start again with Julia in my hands, surrounded by the burning remains of RunRun village, when the sorceror appears. Before I start, does anyone know which weapons I should use? I was thinking about using the RedLongBow, along with my Shield I found in the hall of bad comedian's secret room, and I swore not to use the walkthrough, so....


Help please

I have the Absolute Greatsword and I'm in the Hall of Infinite Bad Comedians, and the one dressed like a clown who has the synthesizer for my sword? He WON'T DIE. Please help me!

HellRaider October 29, 2009 6:10 AM

Probably the best storyline in Role playing games after Fallout 2, the graphics were great too but it is no NWN2 but the variety of weapons and spell made the game even more playable. I hope the developers continue to create more games like this.



Took me a few days to finish this game and a few hours to fight the final boss. Dang, he was a difficult one to beat. But the ending was worth it!

The song at the end got me singing along too.

A big kudos to the gazillion people who were behind this fantastic game!

TheMusicGirl October 29, 2009 11:40 PM

It's been a while since I liked the humor in a game. Trisha (the Elf) was HYSTERICAL! I couldn't stop laughing. Thanks for posting.


You have to tell him he's an exception to the "Bad Comedians". Then he'll give you the synthesizer.


I seem to be getting a completely different game, it's a game with poorly drawn graphics and incredibly simple. Does anybody know what is going on?


Funny. I played You Have to Burn the Rope earlier today for the second time to see if it was actually possible to defeat the Grinning Colossus by hitting him with axes. I discovered that it would be extremely easy if he didn't regenerate health constantly. I hate when I actually try to play something, then find out it just takes one single minute! The "review" above made me think this game would be really fun. Of course, I didn't know this game was posted here on April Fool's Day. The review was right about one thing, though. I will never, ever, forget this game! On another note, someone should make a game that includes things described in the comments and review. It would be fun!



To let you know, most of these guys like to make up stuff about April Fool's jokes(note that YHTBTR isn't an April Fool's joke, listen to the ending song), and the most fun of these jokes is when you make up something out of nothing. It's also part of the community.


And now, on with the make-upping!

I found two bonus bosses!

The first one is Balrog (of Cave Story fame)
but the other one is THE Ultimate Chimera (of Mother 3 fame)and I'm stuck on the second one. Help?

P.S. Don't know what Mother 3 is? Hint:here!


This game was the best I've ever played :D

BaJaBaDooBoo March 16, 2010 4:38 AM

i can't get pass LVL1
does anyone one know where to download a strategy guide?

adam gunderloy March 29, 2010 4:16 PM

i got into the temple, and defeated the singing bee taco lord with my soda of immortality, but now i'm stuck. i tried all weapon and armor combinations except the ones that have the starting equipment, but the evil dancing christopher columbus mimic still one-shots me with "the power of america". help please?


The only way to defeat Legolas is

Do a barrel roll

Acidifiers January 2, 2011 12:34 PM

I lost. I have no num-lock key on my keyboard and couldn't execute the World-Breaker move and beat the first boss. Most difficult game I have ever played, by far, but the most brilliant graphics.


If you haven't looked in a while, look again -- there's a new version posted with multiplayer!!!

BlackLynxFangirl April 27, 2011 3:57 PM

I read the review, I look at the comments, I excitedly click the link...


Okay... Where's the RPG?
Where's the game we're talking about here?

(I have a hunch there's a reason the tag is "aprilfools".. If so.. You guys are just FUNNY.)
But, seriously... Where's the game?


You know, someone should make a real version of this using information made up in all of these comments.


Okay, I have the

screwdriver, cloth (wet from sink), all three bananas, a skateboard wheel(or is it some kind of sushi roll?).

I've already

swept underneath the birdcage, opened the wobbly-corner painting on the left, and combined the desk items into a crude flyswatter.

but now I'm totally stuck. How do you get

the green guy out of the glass box?

(the glass box the turtle gives you, not the one on the counter.)


Oh POP I found the

rest of the skateboard.

Sparrow3183 April 3, 2016 9:44 PM

This game is truly a masterpiece. I was wondering if there was some way I could download the soundtrack from this game- does anyone know?
I did think that the section where you had to

shoot the arrow into the eyes of the jungle temple statue without missing

was especially tricky with my sluggish keyboard. The fifth ending of the game was very sweet, though, and I'm glad that

Kyada and Wutano finally got together.

All in all, very fun game, can't wait to play again for that sixth ending!


2 things. The credits song is from a popular kiddie karate movie from 1986. If you want to know what movie, just call me. 1-985-655-2500. Although "I love you", "I" might "let you down". =).


This was so not funny! This game site is crap!


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