Children of the gigabyte hard drive, be not afraid of our retro trappings. Shun us no longer! We come in peace, bearing gifts of a bygone age. We know our technology may seem ancient to you, Sons and Daughters of the Polygon, but despite having its heyday back in the days when the mammoths roamed the plains listening to WHAM and MC Hammer, we assure you, we were pretty "rad". But we know we have to make an attempt to reach out to you, and that's why we bring you Pixel Basher, an arcade classic updated with new graphics, new upgrades, and new abilities. All it really needs is a highscore screen where you can try to think up profane things to spell with the three letters they give you. (Don't look at me like that, you know you did it too.)
Played with either the mouse or the keyboard, Pixel Basher is, essentially, a Breakout clone with a twist, designed to appeal to your nostalgia, the sneaky buggers. Your goal is to destroy all the blocks on screen by bouncing a ball off the paddle at the bottom of the screen; you need to hit them hard enough for them to break, and some blocks will drop items that can help or hinder you, such as granting you explosive abilities or turning portions of the screen dark. Whatever happens, keep your eye on the ball; you only have a limited number, and if they all fall off screen, it's game over. Fortunately, you've got a cannon on hand which you can fire to help destroy blocks, but it has limited ammunition... at least, at first. You can also pick up cash to spend on upgrades until your paddle is the mightiest of them all!
At only nine levels, the game is short. Like, short-short. But it's a sweet, simple snack from yesteryear wrapped up in shiny new packaging that offers a bite-sized portion of fast-paced fun. And then after you play it, you can put on your leg warmers and load up on hairspray and sample other delights from days gone by, such as Blossom re-runs and lawn darts!... hey, where you goin'? Are you overwhelmed by how awesome my childhood was? Yeah, me too. All the time.