So I've decided not to do Link Dump Friday this week. I thought to myself, "Your Majesty," which is how I always address myself, "people on the internets don't want to know about zombies or birds or dragons. They don't care about puzzles or pet sims. Why don't you take the day off and go cruising with the Baron and Baroness of Pursnovia aboard their paddle yacht?" And so I did. And that's why there is really, truly no Link Dump Friday this week. Sorry. Anything below this paragraph is just a figment of your overworked imagination.
- Totem Breaker - You know those games with powerhouse production values, but with gameplay that's too lightweight to really back it up? This is one of those. The visuals are gorgeously cartoony, and the music is bouncy and catchy, but after you've blown up your third or fourth baddie using some very perplexing shaman magics, you start to wonder if maybe there wasn't some sort of miscommunication between the two departments. You know, like the art department was told to make something awesome, but somehow for the story and play department that translated into a weak so-so hand wiggle. Which, I understand, is also how Twilight movies are made. OH NO I D-IN'T.
- Flaming Zombooka - [Parental Warning: Animated cartoon carnage.] Essentially Fragger but with some nonthreatening undead, this is a game about properly ricocheting your bazooka shots around a playfield to overcome the obstacles shielding the zombies. Which, y'know. Just sort of patiently stand there, waiting for it to happen. And I understand that the title is a play on words, sort of, which is fine. But, some day, before I die, longanimals and robotJAM owe me a flaming bazooka.
- Tealygotchi - Remember Tealy? Sure you do. Want to take one home and love it and squeeze it and name it George? Sure you do! This little pet simulation is super cute, but not quite developed enough since it starts getting repetitive far too quickly. It's at least more entertaining than those things we begged our parents to buy us even though they were essentially about as fun as a rock with two googly eyes glued on it.
- Bad Birds - Being one of the apparently three people in the history of creation who has not played Lemmings, I was forced to rely on public opinion when I heard that this puzzler was "Like Lemmings". However, a fellow reviewer informed me that this isn't "Like Lemmings"... it is Lemmings. Only with birds. Apparently bad ones at that. So there you go. ... stop looking at me that way, bird. Oh, you wanna go?! Then let's go! I'm badder'n you any day!
- Fish Tales Deluxe - Despite being, apparently, deluxe, Fish Tales (woo-oo!) is just a bit too simple and repetitive to really rise above coffee break status for most gamers. (not to mention it does not save progress) Simply swim around, devouring everything smaller than you, and avoiding everything bigger. But Fish Tales (woo-oo!) is pretty darned cute, with big, cartoony graphics and simple, mostly relaxing gameplay. D-d-d-danger watch behind you, there's a bigger fish out to find you!