Howdy friend! We'd like to thank you for taking the time to come on down and visit us here at Crazy Jay's Link Dump Friday extrrrrrrrrrrravaganza!... what? You're only here to use the bathroom? Look, pal, you're underestimating just how complete your life would be with one of these things!... possibly. No, forget about the stupid bathroom, okay? Let me take you on a guided tour of some of our great deals, you won't regret it! Just... sign this waiver?
- Cave of Wonders - Friend, we can tell you're one smart customer. That's why we're offering you this exclusive vacation package to the fabulous Cave of Wonders! Guaranteed to be mostly angry giant free! Probably. Act now and we'll throw in this one-of-a-kind wooden sword and a double jump ability, just in case of a climactic titan battle!
- My Pet Protector - Speaking of things that don't pee on the floor (well, I'm sure you were thinking of that, right?), we're going to offer you a special deal, today only! Your very own surly RPG antagonist, to raise into either hero of the realm or (more likely) unknown schlub! No, don't try to comb his hair. He hates that, and you'll only break the comb in his unnaturally coloured, spiky hair. Sure you might have to grind your fingers to the bone for him, but it'll all be worth it when he rewards you with cold indifference!
- Expedition Africa - I hope you don't mind me saying, friend, but you're pretty rugged looking! C'mon, give us a flex! Grrrrr! Yeah, you'd be perfectly suited for one of our African safaris! Well, okay, maybe it's not a safari so much as it is an Oregon Trail-inspired exercise in angry animals, diseases, and bad luck, but hey! You can take it! Lemme sign you up. Just fill in this bit about your next-of-kin... oh, no reason, the lawyers make us do it.
- Diepix Arena - Okay okay okay! Chill out, pal, the bathroom is right through this door!... on the other side of this barely used arena shooter full of hardcore pixel-whippin' blasting action that the other gaming sites don't want you to know about! Upgrades, coins, boss fights! All yours for the low, low price of... of.... buddy?... hey, where'd you go?... too much?