"Will you step into my vault?" said the joye to the JayIsGames readers. And there she stopped, because the idea of attempting to parody the entire poem was the scariest thing she'd heard of this Halloween season. Nothing else could compare. Certainly not these three games. Nope. No disturbing underbelly to any of THESE games. Just pure, innocent Tuesday goodness.
- The Telephone - This game is a wonderful point-and-click... no, I guess it's more of a webtoy... although it does seem to be a puzzle... and it's interactive and artsy... Hmm. Maybe this will become clearer after I snarfle a few more Reesy Cup milkshakes. Anyway, there's very definitely no sinister significance to the numbers I'm deducing and then dialing into the keypad. The game advances the player through various eye-catching locations, with art styles varying from harsh photo-realism to imaginative cutouts. Considering that it was created back in 2004, the fact that it continues to be visually impressive is a serious achievement.
- The House - Oh sure, this point-and-click game about a house in which the entire family committed suicide might SEEM scary. But can it really compare to the soul-sucking monstrosity of the sub-prime mortgage crisis? Creepy underbelly: absent. I categorically deny that, despite this game's brief length, it took me several times to complete it because I kept screaming and closing the window. And for your information, my bedroom light got stuck in the on position, okay? Besides, that was 2005, and even if I were scared by it then, which I totally wasn't, I am now all about grown-up fears. I am only scared by games about houses that are abandoned because of robo-signer foreclosures.
- Safeplaces - See, there can't be anything creepy in this 2004 webtoy. Why, it has safe places right as its name, with a space removed for extra safety. Go ahead, chase away the toadstool with your mouse. Pull clouds around individually, or rotate them all. Chill to the relaxing electronic beats. Awww, the little frog sounds like it's burping! There's definitely no hidden puzzle here or anything like that. Yes, this webtoy surely deserves inclusion here solely for what's on the surface, because the surface is all there is. Why are you looking at me like that? You don't believe me? There's a word for people like you: suspicious. I bet you're not even going to go with me to get candy from that nice man in the trench coat. Well, that just means more for me.
Feel free to talk about this weekly feature in the comments, or make suggestions on where to score some more sweets from unmarked vans with tinted windows, but if you need help with a particular game, please write your question on the game's review page, not here.