It's Friday once again, and I think we all know what that means... we all come together for the ritualistic playing of the video games to prevent disasters from befalling our realm. What disasters, you ask? Well, the Ancient Ones hesitate to speak of them, so great was the tragedy, but... if you don't join us in playing these games to beat back the tide of destiny, Uwe Boll will direct a movie adaptation of 5 Days a Stranger, in which case someone would have to go to prison for tackling him off a bridge while screaming "NOOOOooOOooOOOo" dramatically. And of course there's the requisite rain of toads and meteors (and meteoric toads) but that one is probably the worst threat. So, you know. No pressure or anything.
- Synopsis Quest - Previously only available in Japanese, Skipmore's cute-if-clunkily-controlled series of minigames that ape on standard RPG situations is now fully translated for us English speakers. Figuring out what you need to do within each itty bitty scenario isn't as straight-forward as you might think. It probably won't take you very long to get through, but it's a charming throwback to the days when RPGs hadn't heard of cell shading, and were still just as ridiculous. Hey, is it my turn yet? I wanna attack the darkness!
- Minima Time - Quick! You've got ten seconds to live, how do you spend them? Whatever you said, you were wrong, because everyone knows the correct answer is to run free-styling around the world in search of magical clocks that add to your lifespan while someone automatically snaps pictures of you flying by. Another entry into the Experimental Gameplay Project's theme of "10 Seconds" Minima Time is fast fun while it lasts, though it does get repetitive rather quickly. I can honestly say that if you were to add silly putty and glitter to the occasion, this is exactly how I would spend my final moments.
- Flood Runner 2 - Feel the wind in your long floppy ears as you flee from a flood of water. Or lava. Or... liquified boogers. Um. Look, the "why" isn't important. Flood Runner 2 is a simple one-click game where you left-click the screen to leap from ledge to ledge and try to stay alive as long as you can. With several power ups and some new challenges as you go along, the game is breezily entertaining for a while in that way that only games that feature creepy blobby ink creatures fleeing for their lives can be.
- Plump Escape - I'm missing a crucial part in my brain. Or maybe I crushed it underneath pointless Doctor Who trivia. Whatever the reason, I am typically very, very bad at escape games. So maybe that's why I like Cogito Ergo Sum's surreal but notoriously simple escape games that feature a little yellow cat and brown dog. This time, the dog has apparently gorged itself on untold boxes of beef jerky and become too fat, so you'll need to find a way to help trim him down to escape. Cute, yes. Weird, very. Translation, iffy. Just the way I like 'em.
- Mechanics - Drop the gears into their proper places to power an unlit lightbulb. This cheerful little puzzle game is too simple to really provide much of a challenge (especially not to you, *fluttering of eyelashes*), but it's a good game for kids to cut their puzzling teeth on. Start 'em young, I say. Then by the time they're walking their stats are nice and rounded, but you do have to worry about them making their saving throws against nap time. And yes, I could not be any nerdier if I tried, which is probably best for both of us.