You have no idea how disappointed I was that April Fool's didn't fall on a Friday this year, and I was unable to render you immobile with a devastating prank in addition to your serving of this week's package of games. In fact, I was so upset that I decided to go down to the local high school and play basketball. I'm not very good at it, but I just wanted to chill out and relax. So you can imagine how upset I was when a couple of guys who looked to be up to some mischief started making trouble in the vicinity. I got in a bit of a scuffle with them and when I told my mom she got scared and said, "You're moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air".
... I whistled for a cab and when it came near...
- Time Sensitive Materials - Everyone has that one summer job they hated, whether it was helping Grandma shave her calluses, or walking the neighbour's incontinent Saint Bernard. For me it was the year I spent trying to transport highly explosive alien materials to a containment device in under ten seconds before I was vaporised. This twitchy platformer is super short, but that special brand of frustrating we love so much. At least, I assume this boiling sensation in the pit of my stomach is love.
- Unreal City - [Parental Warning: Contains scenes that may not be suitable for young children.] Billing itself as an Alternate Reality Game, Unreal City wins a lot of points for high production values and a twist-sy, turns-sy plot, but lost out on a feature of its own when I realised that the whole "game" aspect was barely there. It's a well acted piece of work, although the dialogue is a bit too heavy-handed and prose-ish, but none of the clues you uncover or the choices you make actually affect the game except for the very last one. I, uh. I actually don't have anything witty to say about this one. Ooo... although, we do have some time before the next game for a tasteless knock-knock joke! Knock-knock!... hey, where you goin'? Awww!
- Kaban Steeplechase - This is about a boar with a gun. A boar. With a gun. Boar. Gun. I just want to make sure you've grasped that deep and complex starting point before I tell you that the rest of the game is a race of sorts as you run, shoot, and stink your way to a big city to win a tournament. Because what else are you going to do if you're a boar with a gun? I mean, besides be awesome in general. The controls are a bit sticky and frustrating, which is what earned this one a noble Link Dump Mention rather than a feature, but it's still worth a look for boar fans. I know you're out there.
- A Stitch In Time: Fishing Game - Hey, adventure fans! Stop writing those angry e-mails to George R R Martin and Patrick Rothfuss for a minute and partake in some good, old fashioned point-and-click adventuring in A Stitch In Time. Then, when you're done, you can relive the glory of the 30 Second fishing minigame with this little beauty, where you try to haul in the biggest catch you can before time runs out. It's just like actual fishing, but without all the sunburns, bug bites, and crippling boredom. Hooray!
- Bread Girl - By now Minoto should need no introduction. Each week I keep telling myself I'm not going to include another of these bizarre little point-and-clicker'ers, but I'm so weak. I can't stand in the face of such adorable weirdness. Your goal, this time, is to help Bread Girl by dealing with dentists, angry shoppers, and some sort of... furry... clawed... thing. Then, when you're done, you can play the sequel. I can only hope Bread Girl is eventually reunited with her true love, Ciabatta Guy.
- Tremerz - If you're not familiar with the glorious source material for this avoidance game designed for Newgrounds' Kevin Baconpalooza, shame on you! We're not friends anymore. It's short, it's simple, and it's even fairly easy, but it's just the right amount of goofy, five minute fun to fit into your day. Plus, y'know. Tremors. Now go play it and don't bother talking to me again until you're properly educated in 80's-90's campy horror films. (So help me if you mention remakes... )