You know, it's not officially Friday until you've gotten your Link Dump. Does this mean that if Link Dump Friday were to suddenly stop appearing, Friday would never come? That you would be stuck eternally in some un-time between days? Slip through a crack in the ether where days cease to have meaning? MAYBE. Are we just trying to give ourselves job security? MAYBE. Anyway, my point is, friend, games are important. That's why we've cherry picked this week's selection just for you. To keep you smiling, and keep the howling winds of the nether realms at bay. You could say we're heroes.
... would you? You know, kind of spread it around a little?... well, it's not technically a lie...
- Keyboard Mayhem - My initial infatuation with this fast-paced typing game had little to do with wanting to better my keyboard skills and everything to do with the ridiculous visuals and twangy soundtrack. You type the letters on screen as fast as you can to knock back the enraged... uh, guy, and ultimately push him off a cliff. It's the sort of completely nonsensical idea that could have become something incredibly awesome. Instead, a lack of progression and variation makes this one of those "Hey, check out this weird thing I found" games than a classic.
- Valthirian Arc - This was almost a feature. This sim about training students at an academy to increase your fame as principal is ridiculously well presented. The problem is that the lackluster and tediously repetitive gameplay doesn't hold a candle to the top-notch visuals. And while grinding isn't always frowned upon, ultimately the awkward, clunky combat was the final nail in this KAWAII coffin. That said, should you find such grinding to your taste, who are we to judge? (Actually, I'm Canadian. Judging is pretty much what we do. That tickle between your shoulder blades right now? Me. Judging you.)
- DuckLife - Seriously? Seriously? This is a sim game where you train a duck to compete in various races after your farm was destroyed by a tornado. It's endearing in a weird sort of way, but also so bare bones that you have to wonder if the developer isn't just sitting back, snorting giggles into his cupped hands, kicking his feet and shrieking, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE PLAYING IT." Oh well. At least it's a fair and entirely accurate portrayal of the life of a duck.
- GeoGame - Apparently expressly designed to make you realise just how paltry your geographical knowledge is, GeoGame is a very sleek and simple geography game (who'da thunkit!) where you identify locations on a map using hints or trivia questions. You can play anonymously, or connect with Facebook, so your friends can offer you a comforting shoulder to cry on when you lose even the simplest quesHAHA oh man, who am I kidding? Your friends are going to make fun of you so hard.
- Sideways - I know what you're thinking, and, yes, it's another platformer that lets you flip the screen around to progress through the levels. Only this time, you flip the screen around to navigate your heroine through the mazes to the exit. It isn't as fluid as it should be, and there isn't really any story, but I like to pretend she's on the run because she stole The Bride's jumpsuit from Kill Bill. Of course, there are other possibilities. COINCIDENCE?!... yeah, probably. Man, I never get to have conspiracies!