Babe! Sugar! Bubbeh! Where have you been? I'm your agent, you can't just leave me hanging like that! What do you mean, you don't have an agent? Look, Starshine, that hurts, really it does! I know I've been slacking a little lately, but I just lined up a whole bunch of new gigs for you! Yeah, baby, you've got talent and they know it! They've been lined up for you! Stick with me and you'll go far, Puddinpop! Whoop, hold on — my enormous cellphone is ringing.
- Fathom - That flinty stare! Those girded loins! Why, you've always dreamed of being the world's tiniest marine, haven't you? Of course, you may be under the misconception that marines shoot things and collect bolts, when in fact they spend most of their time propelling themselves underwater around schools of fishies. It's a common mistake.
- Funky Samurai Kengo-Chan - Speaking of misconceptions, what's with the sword? I told you this was a samurai gig, and you come unprepared? Sheesh! You'd think you didn't know a samurai's deadliest weapon is the keyboard, which they use to type out the deadly alphabet against their foes and unleash the fury of the homerow! It's just like that one movie with that one guy. Yeah, that one!
- Mr Mullet - [Warning: cartoon violence] So maybe you'd like to help someone a little more follically challenged than yourself. If you're handy with a mouse, you can help him get revenge on the people who've wronged him with their magnificent moustaches and hairstyles. It'd be great publicity, Sugarlips! No cash pay, but we do know a lady who makes a mean meat pie…
- Cookie Tycoon - Some people burn with purpose. Some are destined for greatness. Those people will require cookies, which you can provide if you're good at managing a business. Yeah, that's right, Dollface, it's just like that coffee shop gig we landed you! You're one smart cookie!
- Cosmic Cannon - Hey, check out this ad I found. Maybe it's up your alley! "If you love nothing better than to fire enormous cannon balls that look like tasty jawbreakers in order to rack up high scores as you keep them aloft, this is the job for you!" I think the name is Nitrome. Hmmm… nope, never heard of 'em!