The Vault №14


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The Vault

joye"Will you step into my vault?" said the joye to the JayIsGames readers. And there she stopped, because the idea of attempting to parody the entire poem was the scariest thing she'd heard of this Halloween season. Nothing else could compare. Certainly not these three games. Nope. No disturbing underbelly to any of THESE games. Just pure, innocent Tuesday goodness.

  • The TelephoneThe Telephone - This game is a wonderful point-and-click... no, I guess it's more of a webtoy... although it does seem to be a puzzle... and it's interactive and artsy... Hmm. Maybe this will become clearer after I snarfle a few more Reesy Cup milkshakes. Anyway, there's very definitely no sinister significance to the numbers I'm deducing and then dialing into the keypad. The game advances the player through various eye-catching locations, with art styles varying from harsh photo-realism to imaginative cutouts. Considering that it was created back in 2004, the fact that it continues to be visually impressive is a serious achievement.
  • The HouseThe House - Oh sure, this point-and-click game about a house in which the entire family committed suicide might SEEM scary. But can it really compare to the soul-sucking monstrosity of the sub-prime mortgage crisis? Creepy underbelly: absent. I categorically deny that, despite this game's brief length, it took me several times to complete it because I kept screaming and closing the window. And for your information, my bedroom light got stuck in the on position, okay? Besides, that was 2005, and even if I were scared by it then, which I totally wasn't, I am now all about grown-up fears. I am only scared by games about houses that are abandoned because of robo-signer foreclosures.
  • SafeplacesSafeplaces - See, there can't be anything creepy in this 2004 webtoy. Why, it has safe places right as its name, with a space removed for extra safety. Go ahead, chase away the toadstool with your mouse. Pull clouds around individually, or rotate them all. Chill to the relaxing electronic beats. Awww, the little frog sounds like it's burping! There's definitely no hidden puzzle here or anything like that. Yes, this webtoy surely deserves inclusion here solely for what's on the surface, because the surface is all there is. Why are you looking at me like that? You don't believe me? There's a word for people like you: suspicious. I bet you're not even going to go with me to get candy from that nice man in the trench coat. Well, that just means more for me.

Feel free to talk about this weekly feature in the comments, or make suggestions on where to score some more sweets from unmarked vans with tinted windows, but if you need help with a particular game, please write your question on the game's review page, not here.

4 Comments

If I remember right, the storyline of The House is actually that the mother killed her family and then committed suicide. Not that I'm going to play it again to check. *shudder*

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Sigh. Happiness is the latest Tuesday morning edition of the vault. I am so jonesing for a "replay"!

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"The Telephone" was the first game I played when I found JayIsGames back in '04!

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Gah, my heart...
"The House" is FREAKY.

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Sneaky Sneaky> Lori.h Just as you escape with your best haul yet, a group of thugs stop you before you can spend your reward. Sneak around to recollect your loot and trick your enemies to meet their makers sooner than they would have liked and if you do so strategically, perhaps you'll end up with more than you stole in the first place. And isn't that every thief's dream?  ...
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Crossy Road> Dora Endless arcade action meets classic Frogger style gameplay in this free iOS game where you control a series of hapless unlockable creatures trying to cross some very busy and very deadly roads and rapids. With a sense of humor and vibrant voxel graphics, it's both charming and hard to put down.  ...
Find the Escape-Men Part 126: The Special Property> Dora The apartment in this escape game's rent is suspiciously low, and there's a weird smell here too... so it's probably not a good sign your realtor has locked you inside! Experience a whole lot of weirdness (and a jump scare or two) in this very silly game from no1game.  ...
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Natural Selection 2> Johnny123 Your cute little spider-ball is hungry. Use the mouse to shoot strands of webbing to pull him around each level, catching and ensaring flies and avoiding the angry bees that chase you through each level.  ...

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