You've probably been too busy this week playing the entries for CGDC 8 for anything else, but right now you BELONG TO ME.... I, uh. I don't actually have any plans for you. This is why I flunked out of Super Villain School. I even forgot to set up the tank with ill-tempered sea bass to lower you into. What I do have is an odd array of flash games from around the 'net, including platforming, escaping, brawling, and Castle Picklehands. Really, isn't that just as good as sea bass anyway?
- The Legend of the Cheetocorn - [Parental Warning: May not be entirely safe for children due to some mildly suggestive dialogue.] This is one of those times where I suspect someone out there is just trying to out-weird me. You play as Michael, who decides to defeat boredom with Cheetos, and thus finds himself sucked into a wormhole and transported to the magical land of Delaware where he sprouts a glorious mane of hair and rides the wondrous Cheetocorn. The platforming is actually pretty standard, but the game stands out because of its sheer strangeness. I can't remember the last time I was rewarded with an awkward massage. Maybe if it happened more often, I'd use my powers for good rather than evil.
- Dino Strike - Who doesn't love a side-scrolling brawler? Who wouldn't love it even more if it involved beating up robotically enhanced dinosaurs to rescue them and make them fight at your side? Why, I imagine such a person as the kind that didn't like a game involving a good ol' fashioned dinosaur punch-up must be a no-good, dirty rotten... kitten-hater! And you're not a kitten-hater... are you? The gameplay here is pretty arcade standard, lifted straight from the days of Sega Genesis, but you can't tell me you've never wanted to punch out a triceratops.
- Deep Diver - Have you ever wanted to be Steve Zissou? Of course you have. We all have. But you can't. But you can put on your red beanie and play this underwater exploration game where you try to find all the collectibles on every map without running out of air. The ending is rather unsatisfying, and tracking down treasure chests may not be quite as thrilling as tracking down the jaguar shark, but it's definitely pretty enjoyable while it lasts.
- Cloud Powered Jetpack! - Sometimes I don't love games because they're beautiful or deep or challenging. Sometimes I just love them because they make me smile, and something about this silly, cheerful little typing game does just that. You know, when I don't want to bite the keyboard in half and spew the keys machine-gun style at the monitor. The idea is you fly your jetpack with the [arrow] keys, land on clouds, and then type out the proper word to refuel. Then, you take off before the bottom of the screen catches up with you. Theoretically. It's frustrating and fairly repetitive, but that little rug-rat is just so darned adorable.
- Escape From the Haunted House - Cats hate getting wet enough that they'll even take refuge in a haunted house! I mean, apparently. Usually when my cats get wet they just glare at me, their eyes glowing with a baleful light, but I'm sure if a haunted house were nearby they'd be all for it. This point-and-click escape game is weird and silly, but it's also pretty cute, too.