Another Friday, another Link Dump, another precious moment stolen with you, the reader. Since this article is actually written on Thursday, sometimes I wonder; what will the future Friday hold? Will it be a day like any other, and will you simply read this bleary-eyed and yawning, wishing I would shut up and get to the games? Or will the day rise on a desolate wasteland, mankind having been conquered by an alien race overnight, and now these words are cold comfort under the rule of a mechanised race of space squid? You never know what tomorrow holds! So I guess I'll cross my fingers, hope tomorrow finds you well and able to play this week's offering of physics puzzles and shooters, and that when our new cephalopod overlords arrive, the bite of their cold, steel beaks is swift and merciful.
Oh, hello, Jay!... what do you mean, "Weird alien delusions?"... I like to be prepared for everything, alright?!
- Bloons Super Monkey - Have you ever thought to yourself, "Bloons is fun, but if only it were a vertical shooter and the monkey was wearing spandex"? Well, first of all, that's creepy. But apparently Ninja Kiwi felt the same way, because here it is. Pop balloons to earn points for upgrades and to advance through the levels. Looks like Bloons is determined to break out into other genres. Keep an eye out for "Magic Kawaii Lovely Rose Bloons: The Dating Sim".
- Craqua - Crabs! Bullets! Sea dwellers in gimp masks! Despite that description, this slow but cute shooter about a crab protecting its... something... is about as kid-friendly as you can get. The weird looking enemies don't start popping up until the second or third stage, and unfortunately there's a good chance it'll already have worn out its welcome, since the game just doesn't do much beyond its adorable design to hold your interest. The difficult curve is fairly gentle, however, so you can easily lull yourself into a state of relaxation by listening to the Spongebob-esque music and taking in the strange sights. M... Magikarp? Is that you?
- Fenticore - The goal in this physics puzzle is to help guide the Fenticore to the bottom of the tower by eliminating obstacles in the way so it can drop down through the floors. It's sort of like a tumbledrop game, but with prettier graphics and a bit of a story behind it. The only probably is that the game suffers from somewhat unpredictable physics, and you'll probably have to reload a lot of levels when the Fenticore gets stuck. What the matter with you, Fenticore?! The bottom of the tower is your home! Are you too good for your home?!
- ImmorTall - Got your beret on? ImmorTall is an artsy side-scroller about, I assume, the cruelty of man. Move left and right to explore the world, and help protect the apparently feeble-minded family who's decided to caper along behind you. It's extremely pretty with its minimalist presentation, but also slow and a little predictable. Admittedly, I was expecting the opening scene with the little girl to go in an entirely different Frankenstein-sy sort of direction, so apparently I'm part of the problem too. I always suspected.
- Sally's Cats - Sally's got her impressive collection of boneless felines stuck in a tree and needs you to use her physics magic to save them all by jerking them into the air on ethereal green rubber bands. I'm pretty sure that sort of things is grounds for animal neglect charges anyway. Plus, Sally's slightly off-putting dishevled moppet face strongly puts me in mind of another girl who probably shouldn't be around animals either... I guess the lesson for today is that little girls are creepy. I remember when I was a little girl I could barely stand to be around myself.