Assembler 3


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PsychotronicAssembler 3I'm trying something a little different here. Instead of posting a game that I really like and wish to share with you all, I'm going to post something that I actively hate and wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. Just for funsies.

Assembler 3, by Bryce Summer, is a game about TWITCHING RAGE or to be more specific, a physics-based puzzle game with 44 levels, in which you must carefully position green objects within their equally green outlines. It's sort of like you're recreating a crime scene where an innocent wooden crate or barrel was murdered. It was probably done by hanging or drowning, since the outlines are usually located in mid-air or submerged in water. In order to solve the crime, you must stack other crates and girders so they will support the green objects unwobblingly.

Just click and drag stuff around with your mouse; it's very intuitive.

Analysis: What is not so freakin' intuitive is the skittish, cracked-out physics engine, which has a habit of making the piece of flotsam you're holding spin around like the Tasmanian Devil after three espressos, knocking the living spit out of everything else you're trying to balance. It's strange, because these boxes look like they're made from wood, but they feel like they're made from monkeys. Weightless, somewhat sticky monkeys who have no mass but nevertheless contain all of the world's evil.

What is really fantastic is the incessant knocking and clattering sounds that your evil weightless monkey crates make as you fidget and fuss them into position. It's enough to make you cry "Oh glee!" and pop a dozen festive aspirin. There is also a level editor.

Maddening and compelling, Assembler 3 is sure to scratch your itch for GRAAAAAAAGH JUST STAY ON THE STUPID WEDGE YOU MOTHERLESS SON OF A DRIFTWOOD BANDIT PUNCH YOU IN THE MRRAAAAAAAAAAAGH UGLY-FACE! For more physics-y phun, you might also try Splitter or Color Infection.

Play Assembler 3

NOTE: And if that's not enough pain for you, you may enjoy Assembler 1 or Assembler 2.

42 Comments

I actually LOVE this game! Thanks for sharing it. :)

Feeling the need to channel Yahtzee Croshaw today, Psychotronic? :p

Your review had me laughing out loud through it all. Nice job, Psychotronic. :)

And made it through all 44 levels! That was fun.

Hahah, this is why JIG stands out on the "here's a game, play it" market.

This is a great idea. A nice little spark of venom in the cuddlebag of loveliness that is JiG; like a gently poisonous scorpion in a big bag of marshmallows.

Level 31 has me stumped...

I think it's time to shout... graaaaaaagh just stay on the stupid wedge you motherless son of a driftwood bandit punch you in the mrraaaaaaaaaaagh ugly-face!

:)

[Edit by Kayleigh]

No wait, scratch that... Let's make that level 35...

The demon I must vanquish!

I was playing this game before reading this review... Solving all the levels... then I stopped and thought: "Am I actually enjoying doing this?". I then promptly stopped playing. Seriously, it is just not fun.

Still the best thing about this review is that the votes still give it 4.1/5... that's a good game, right?

Excellent review.

Why do people who spend all this time making these great games neglect to put a volume/mute option on them?

I really hope the rating of 4.3 so far is for that fantastic review, not the game.. it has THE WORST physics of any game I've played.. tasmanian devils on espresso and then some!

I really really liked it. The puzzles weren't too frustrating, and the turning of the pieces added another difficult twist to the game because you had to be sure to pick up the piece in just the right place. I only got stuck once on level 39. It took me more than ten minutes to finish it.

The main problem with the game is no way to turn off the music. Argh! That was more annoying than the game.

The game was relatively easy though. Only took an hour or so to get through it, although some of the solutions I used were rather unorthodox. I found that on about 10-20% of the levels, you didn't actually need all the blocks given.

Well, I've played the first two Assemblers before, and did't find this one very fun, since it's basically the same thing.

This review is way too funny! The "Analysis" part had me laughing so much, my coworkers came to see what was going on!
Seriously, Psychotronic, you should try writing a text-adventure.

No really, don't hold back...tell us how you really feel... ;)

Psychotronic what the heck is WRONG with you?? :P
The game tells you how to handle the objects in the third tutorial level.

It's simply as if you're using a pair of tongs or similar to pick up the crates. Wherever you click acts as a pivot point so if you click in the center of gravity the object will spin like a top.

I've only played into the teen levels but so far it's a pretty fun puzzler.

That IS a pretty darn good review though. I for one couldn't keep away from the game after reading it. Isn't that a strange commentary on human psyche? Kind of like when you taste something terrible you immediately share it with all your friends? Or when someone tells you a thing is impossible the first impulse is to try it anyway?

Arrrgh! Level 6 is impossible! You can't get it balanced because when you move a big piece, it knocks the Teeter-Totter off balance!

Level 6 is very easy.

really, very easy. Just need to move 2 components.

wait for it all to fall to the left, move right hand box on to the ground out of the way, place green cask in circle. 5 secs max.

I don't know what you people are talking about... Level 22 is impossible. Stupid pieces won't stay still in the water!!!

I enjoy the concept of the game, but the movements and audio are very clumsy/violent. I think if everything was a little more smooth and fluid it would be a lot more enjoyable. Instead, every time one crate so much as tapped another, it made me cringe.

how do you do level 23 ive been on it FOR AGES and AGES... its impossibble.!!!! PLEASE HELP!!!!

Level 31 can suck it! Hahaha, this physics engine is nuts, but I can't stop playing the game!

For HEELLP MEEEE...

Solution for Level 23

@Cyberjar88:

Here's one way to do level 22



I'm pretty sure I know how to do level 26, but it's constantly tilting and going into the red zone. Is there an easy way to do it, or do you just have to fiddle around with the balance until it works?

Nevermind, I didn't realize that

it would work better if the big piece was balanced first, then the green ball was put in last. I was trying to balance it with the green ball already inside it.

I finished it and I want more.
My 7 year old liked it, too.

thanks tatoo you .,..

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[I didn't send this comment to the spam bin because it makes perfect sense in context to the article. ~Kero]

Thank you, Kero. :-)

I reiterate, by the way.

Superb review, had me laughing a lot and yes I agree. Only other thing is that I kept thinking "these textures and sounds are ripped from Halflife".

Superb review, had me laughing a lot and yes I agree. Only other thing is that I kept thinking "these textures and sounds are ripped from Halflife".

Sorry about the multiple postings, not sure how that happened since I only clicked once...

Grr walkthrough and now level 31. Hatred.

Help anyone?

I tried to with only the left upper stone in different ways to balance the sticks, but I can't get it.

Level 32? I can't get it.

need help on lvl 35

HELP on level 39 PLEASE.. it's driving me insane...

i cant get passed 10 but it is a great game

Uhh.... 29 is impossible >.

Holy Mercy the Insanity!! I think this game is possible if you can find an app. that slows your computer back to the dark age and throws some shackles on the physics.

stuck on 36

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