Retardo and the Iron Golem


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Rating: 4.5/5 (112 votes)
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JayRetardo and the Iron GolemAnd the deluge of fresh new game releases continues. Now, Robin Vencel introduces Retardo, the main character in a brand new point-and-click game series that follows the lead of Bowja the Ninja.

In Retardo and the Iron Golem, the King of Moronia has sent Retardo on a mission to defeat the Iron Golem and restore peace to the kingdom. In return he is promised the hand of the Princess of Moronia. It's up to you to ensure that he accomplishes his mission safely.

Using the mouse, click on items at the appropriate times and in sequence to get Retardo through each scene. Some scenes will require you to find a few objects and place them where they need to be before progress can be made. Some scenes will require you to be quick in your pointing and your clicking. Collect hidden mushrooms for bonus timer score at the end of the game.

Analysis: Although I can do without the blood and the gore, I really like these little point-and-clicks that Robin is making. They are gorgeously detailed, charmingly animated, and brought to life with lush sound effects. The puzzles are not altogether difficult, but it will take you a few times to work out each scene. Thankfully, you're never set back very far each time you fail. Bite sized and filling.

Note: We at JIG do not approve of the use of the word "retard" in this game. Indeed, we feel it was an unfortunate choice. That along with the cartoon violence, blood and gore that is present indicates that this is one game to keep away from the little, more impressionable, ones.

Play Retardo and the Iron Golem

Walkthrough Guide


(Please allow page to fully load for spoiler tags to be functional.)

...Hint-through time!

Retardo? It is I, the Fairy of Clarity of Thought! With my guidance, you will be calm and able to overcome these challenges by yourself... well, except for my help. Now, let us begin.

Problem 1:

Be careful! Now Retardo, spears are dangerous to anyone the pointy end is pointed at! So are rocks when they are above you! Wait, you don't even know how to use that sword, do you? That's fine, you can lure anyone closer with the use of yourself...

Area 2:

Stop and think! The guard can kill you after crossing the bridge, so..?
...Okay, that worked. So, so much fake blood!
(Is he a satire on simple/stupid main characters, or just a product of the whole setting's irreverence? I'm overworked enough as it is...)

Place 3:

Hey! Listen! That guard looks well-armoured. His only weapon is that cart of sharp objects, but don't pick any of them up, nor eat them. Oh, that bell will not alert more guards, as they are all too busy looking for walkthroughs to simple games rather than playing them. Once the way is clear, you can - I don't think that was necessary, though.

Screen 4:

Wait up! Boxes are helpful in most games except when they're so precariously placed. Oh, I remember that guard: his neurosis was that, if he'd see something turned off, he'd habitually turn it back on. You could distract him with that and sneak pas- Retardo? What are you doing with that machine? The door and the switch to- oh my... Oh no...

5, 6 & 7?

Not now! First, read the Mine Cart Safety Walkthrough: Do not jump in your mine cart, except to avoid exploding barrels and holes; make sure everywhere around the mine cart is clear; keep everything in the mine cart until it stops; if you must bend things to jump a gap, make sure to land safely! It's hard being the only clear-thinking character sometimes.

Number 8:

Ugh, how can I have been through a whole pack by n- Hm? The ad's over? Um, Stay sharp! Retardo, what did I tell you about not jumping? I suppose can help you directly this time, but not much: there's that gear in the lower grass and that lever next to the platform elevator... Just try not to do anything more mindlessly violent than usual.

Level 9:

Retardo? do you remember that lantern in Screen 4? Do you remember how water isn't just used for waking the sleeping? Did you know how that I can open that door as well as close it? Can you guess how easy it is to trip over things in the dark? Do I have to spell it out for you?

Stage 10:

This isn't the last one? Where did I put my boo- Oi! Retardo! I've helped that man before: he's lazy, and will use the closest thing at hand. Since the catapult is closer to him than the pile of cannonballs (for a catapult?), you can use the tar and - No! No! Sneak by him, sneak by- Why oh why did I agree to this?

Scene the Eleventh:

... I suppose death and blood is the only thing for it, eh? Fine, there's a wagon to your right, a rope to your left, and one of those wooden stakes can be jimmied free. Go have your bloody revenge and let me get back to granting insights to panicked students and rushed journalists! ...Who in their right minds would call this gory, gibbering mess "for kids of all ages"..?

I suppose, considering this setting, that the question didn't need to be asked.

So the Fairy of Clarity of Thought flew off as fast as she could, welcoming the day someone would say, "I don't believe in fairies" to her face.

54 Comments

Lots of fun, just like the bowja series.

Though I agree, I really dislike the inclusion of blood and gore. The lighthearted feel of bowja is much more suitable.

I also find the fact that this game is hosted on the pencilkids website, which proclaims right at the top "fun for kids of all ages" saddening.

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Great game!
I agree that the blood and gore was unnecessary - it could have pursued a "cuter" theme.
I love how the levels got gradually more difficult at just the right pace.

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Was certainly interesting I'll give it that.

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Well, with Bowja Ninja they set the standard very high. This game, although doesn't beat Bowja, it sure meets that standard. Good one, I enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to the sequel.

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Oh, and I must confess that never have I killed a poor protagonist so many times for success :D

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I do enjoy this series, especially the illustration and animation and also the attention to detail of the combination of choices especially...

occasionally experimenting when at a dead end by clicking on Retardo which then leads to a skewering

I'm usually one to defend blood and gore and would do so if not for Jesse's point that it's broadcast on the kids page but then again I loved that kind of slapstick violence as a kid so maybe I'm just getting old *knees start creaking*...

Anyway, great game. More please!

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Lighten up guys, hardly worse than what Road Runner did to Wile E. Coyote. Itchy and Scratchy forever!

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Retardo? Is that for real? Am I reading this correctly? Retardo? How about Mentally Handicappo? 10 years ago this title would've brought lawsuits.

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I fear the creators' sense of humour here leaves much to be desired.

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jasonz777z Author Profile Page November 13, 2008 7:54 AM

Really nice, got stuck on the level after the cart though.

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Yep, perhaps the title isn't really THAT politically correct...

On the other head, lately I feel like political correctness can more or less kiss my ..whatever. It seems every single thing, no matter how benign, will offend someone or somewhat on some level and it's really exhausting. It all becomes quite ludicrous, like in that old South Park episode where everyone finds something offensive in school's Christmas play in the end it is stripped down to kids wearing non-descript black clothes making random movements in complete silence.

Oh, as for the game, it's pretty fun.

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Im totally stuck on the level with the big guy holding a hammer i dont seem 2 be able 2 click anything HELP !!!!

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"Retardo"? really?
I mean, you can name your game whatever you want, but I'm not particularly likely to play it.

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Yeah, "Retardo" bothered me more than the blood and gore. Not that it was offensive, just really juvenile. Don't title your game so that people can't talk about it in public.

After

the mine cart stage

it goes to the longest load screen on the planet. Is this a bug or part of the game?

Also, is there any incentive to pick all the mushrooms?

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i was having trouble on the last board... i put the

flag string on the cart after taking the wedge out from under it

but now im stuck. help?

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UnderwaterPeacock Author Profile Page November 13, 2008 12:02 PM

I agree with Peter. I mean, come on. I'm not one to argue, but you've got to be a little more sensitive to your audience. I love point-and-click games, and I did play this one for a while, but it didn't take long for me to be turned off by the excessive gore and the "duuuuuuuuuuh" attitude of Retardo. Maybe it's a guy thing, and in that case, I leave this game to them.

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In defense of the title, the background story in the very beginning states that the main character is a "complete and utter retard." Considering that information, Retardo was a pretty logical choice for the title.

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HopefulNebula Author Profile Page November 13, 2008 12:29 PM

Doesn't mean it's particularly ok to use that word.

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The intro's pretty tasteless as well.

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Game won't advance after the second screen of the tram ride underground

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The load screen after the tram ride is for a 5-second mid-game ad, which is pretty irritating, especially when the fading You Died screen had started to lag too. Maybe they had to put it in there, I don't know.

I agree that the game feels really juvenile in a bad way. But the puzzles are nice without being difficult, and of course the animation is smooth.

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...Hint-through time!

Retardo? It is I, the Fairy of Clarity of Thought! With my guidance, you will be calm and able to overcome these challenges by yourself... well, except for my help. Now, let us begin.

Problem 1:

Be careful! Now Retardo, spears are dangerous to anyone the pointy end is pointed at! So are rocks when they are above you! Wait, you don't even know how to use that sword, do you? That's fine, you can lure anyone closer with the use of yourself...

Area 2:

Stop and think! The guard can kill you after crossing the bridge, so..?
...Okay, that worked. So, so much fake blood!
(Is he a satire on simple/stupid main characters, or just a product of the whole setting's irreverence? I'm overworked enough as it is...)

Place 3:

Hey! Listen! That guard looks well-armoured. His only weapon is that cart of sharp objects, but don't pick any of them up, nor eat them. Oh, that bell will not alert more guards, as they are all too busy looking for walkthroughs to simple games rather than playing them. Once the way is clear, you can - I don't think that was necessary, though.

Screen 4:

Wait up! Boxes are helpful in most games except when they're so precariously placed. Oh, I remember that guard: his neurosis was that, if he'd see something turned off, he'd habitually turn it back on. You could distract him with that and sneak pas- Retardo? What are you doing with that machine? The door and the switch to- oh my... Oh no...

5, 6 & 7?

Not now! First, read the Mine Cart Safety Walkthrough: Do not jump in your mine cart, except to avoid exploding barrels and holes; make sure everywhere around the mine cart is clear; keep everything in the mine cart until it stops; if you must bend things to jump a gap, make sure to land safely! It's hard being the only clear-thinking character sometimes.

Number 8:

Ugh, how can I have been through a whole pack by n- Hm? The ad's over? Um, Stay sharp! Retardo, what did I tell you about not jumping? I suppose can help you directly this time, but not much: there's that gear in the lower grass and that lever next to the platform elevator... Just try not to do anything more mindlessly violent than usual.

Level 9:

Retardo? do you remember that lantern in Screen 4? Do you remember how water isn't just used for waking the sleeping? Did you know how that I can open that door as well as close it? Can you guess how easy it is to trip over things in the dark? Do I have to spell it out for you?

Stage 10:

This isn't the last one? Where did I put my boo- Oi! Retardo! I've helped that man before: he's lazy, and will use the closest thing at hand. Since the catapult is closer to him than the pile of cannonballs (for a catapult?), you can use the tar and - No! No! Sneak by him, sneak by- Why oh why did I agree to this?

Scene the Eleventh:

... I suppose death and blood is the only thing for it, eh? Fine, there's a wagon to your right, a rope to your left, and one of those wooden stakes can be jimmied free. Go have your bloody revenge and let me get back to granting insights to panicked students and rushed journalists! ...Who in their right minds would call this gory, gibbering mess "for kids of all ages"..?

I suppose, considering this setting, that the question didn't need to be asked.

So the Fairy of Clarity of Thought flew off as fast as she could, welcoming the day someone would say, "I don't believe in fairies" to her face.

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I love it! fantastic and fun!

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Yeah, Retardo looks like it tried to take what made Bowja great, cranked them all up, then "removed the kiddiness". It sort of worked, but I'd still prefer a Bowja 3, since I thought the kiddiness was what made it great. If you make it look all kiddy-like, then there's less of a reason to justify why everything's silly and cartoonish.

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So I kinda agree that politcal correctness is a little absurd these days.... but calling a game Retardo? Is the sequel going to be Down Syndromania? Or Colored People Village?

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Rodentmaster Author Profile Page November 13, 2008 5:42 PM

First of all, great walkthrough gar. I had a fun time reading it, even if i didn't use it for most of the levels.

Second of all, i think that the creators could have gone with a bit more friendly feel like on Bowja. (after all it is on a site called pencilkids)

third and last, I agree with all of you politically correct people. i found the name retardo a little bit offensive.

--|Rodentmaster|--

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I understand the pg 13 thing with the blood and the little naught part at the start

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All you guys, who are not gonna try the game solely because of its title... well, OK, you'll miss a great game. Your choice.

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Gosh, once you read 'from the creators of Bowja The Ninja' you'd think that this game would be just as cheery and cute as the Bowja series. Then you see a man get stabbed by a spear, crushed by rocks and an elevator AND a giant rock monster getting a stake through its eye (who knew rock monsters could bleed so much?!) hmmm...if this is an introduction to the next bowja saga, i'm a bit scared. you'd assum that ninjas get into much bigger fights than 'Retardo' from moronia.

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Fab hint-through, Gar! And yes, the game was juvenile. However, if you don't want juvenile, I'd suggest a different venue than a games website. Perhaps you remember those floppy wood-pulp thingies we used to have called books?

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Ooh. It got labeled as a walkthrough, though it doesn't really describe each step from start to finish. There's still room in here for that.

Also, yes it's juvenile, yes that was its aim. Juvenile or lowbrow stuff tends to either get seen as hilarious or contemptible with very little in between. Still, I'd suggest to anyone hesitant to just try it, skip everything that's skippable, and either enjoy the stupid-funiness of it all or turn it off when you can't stand it and then feel smug or superior for avoiding it.

(Also, to Luffely, it isn't a rock monster, it's the Iron Golem. Since it talks and bleeds, maybe it's just a huge robot with a human brain, or someone huge in a magic suit of armor? Or maybe this is just a game where thinking about it is always over-thinking.)

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Perhaps you need to remember that gaming can be mindless fun - if you don't like it don't play it. Lets not burn the creator for his attempt at flipping off the "pc" world! Fun game!

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I don't know where some of you live, but mindless violence, social stereotypes and politically incorrect behaviour has been a staple of most cartoons since the days of Looney Tunes. I think you have to try really hard to get "offended" at this game.

It's all in fun.

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SonicLover Author Profile Page November 14, 2008 8:07 AM

That hint-through looks somewhat familiar, Gar. Were you perchance the same person who wrote the hint-through for Bowja on Factory Island?

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It keeps sticking at the loading screen after the mine cart level

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I disagree the blood and gore should have been left out - it separates this game from just being another bowja game. There is absolutely no need to call the game Retardo or using a 'retarded' main character, it's a very disappointing choice.

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yeah it's reminds me of bowa alot though thats not a bad thing. though that is to say is was too easy as well

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I actually enjoyed this game a lot! yeah, it was bloody but so was "The several journeys of reemus" and I am a big fan of that series as well.

There was enough of a challenge with each level and I kinda liked trying to collect mushrooms randomly through each level.

To the creator - EXCELLENT job! Keep them coming! More and more women are becoming casual game fanatics so I would love to one day see a fun, flash game such as this with a female herion! :)

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sigh. i don't know whether i'm more annoyed by the title or by everyone crying about the title.

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but no matter what you think of the title or the gore factor, it's a pretty well made little game. retrying after a bad move is a little annoying, but it's not too bad, and if you don't mind the gore, it can be kind of amusing to see the main character die in such absurd ways.

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fabl_berlin November 15, 2008 3:12 PM

I really liked the ninja games, they were "neat" in a positive way. So why now this bloody stuff, just for the effect? No chance to like that...

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This is a perfect little game. I love the intuitive puzzles that hinge on thinking rather than luck. The smooth and creative animation/sound alone make this game worth playing. The blood and gore are a great touch and not overdone.

My only complaint is the name of the main character.

Please make more games like this.

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Jeeze, guys, get over yourselves. Is this catholic school or what? If you can't make light of something, people will never accept it. This isn't 'reinforcing' any negative stereotypes, the character is just that... retarded. Also, the violence, who cares? If you don't like violence, don't play it, but don't complain about it cause it has no negative effects on anyone else, and its actually pretty cartoony and mild. Stop acting like you are ENTITLED to a squeaky clean, (personality free) game.

(words on the internet don't have weight behind them- but to anyone who cares and says I am 'insensitive' to the issue, a family friend has a kid with downs, my uncle has it, my brother does, and my parents were both involved in special education and hosted autistic parent/child meetings)

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I agree with PoisonedV. But apparently enough people complained about the name, so the game is no longer accessable. You'll get an Account Suspended message if you try to access it.

I have a solution for Robin Vencel. Rename the character Parys Hilten.

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Incorrect. The game is still very much available.

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Oops; Sonic Lover? Yep, I did the first Bowja one as well as this one. I put it in the perspective of a "Fairy of Clarity of Thought" because Retardo probably wouldn't have been able to give a "thinking to himself" kind of narrative. Your Bowja 2 walkthrough was pretty well done, but since I did this one, you can have the next one. Or rather, I'm not going to butt in on the next one.

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I like the note, about the "retard" and the gore; I agree with all of that.

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I only had a little trouble with the last two levels, and considering I mostly suck at these games it was sort of easy. I did like how you had to be fast about solving the puzzles, or get killed though.

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Thanks for the tips Gar! I thought you did it very well. Not too much till we just have to follow instructions, but not too little as well.

Thanks again.

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i still dont understand level 8. i got the lever and all, now what?

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matthew crance February 18, 2009 6:32 PM

there is a missing gear look for it in hte lower grass.

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Victor Ye July 10, 2009 1:31 AM

I found this game quite disappointing. The game has too much blood and gore. At the second screen, the game even shows an animation of a soldier getting killed after he falls off a bridge and offscreen. How can Pencilkids shame itself with this kind of game?

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Chiktionary Author Profile Page December 18, 2009 8:12 AM

The game has been re-named 'Dum-Dum'.
I love many of Pencil Kids games, like Monkey-Go-Happy, but was not really impressed with the whole 'Retardo' thing.

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DarthMeow504 Author Profile Page March 4, 2011 5:29 PM

So let me get this straight.

It's perfectly acceptable to persecute the intelligent unmercifully, and to use words like nerd, geek, egghead, and to tacitly condone hazing, harassment, and open physical assault and abuse in the name of enforcing conformity on those damned weird smart kids, but don't dare say anything bad about the terminally stupid?

Wonderful set of priorities our society has.

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