Evito Ball


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Rating: 3.9/5 (80 votes)
| Comments (33) | Views (6)

zxoEvito BallI had been doing so well.

Eight months without a twitch, tremble, or even so much as a tic. One entire blessed year without nightmares of lasers, rockets, and electrified elevators. I could even sing the alphabet song without stuttering halfway through.

Do you realize what a person has to go through to forget?

Twelve months of therapy. Two week-long yoga retreats in the Bahamas. Three months in an Amish village, followed by the inevitable conversion to Buddhism. Conversion to Orthodox Judaism. Conversion to Zoroastrianism. Back to Buddhism for a bit, then to an unnamed folk religion from the depths of the Sri Lankan jungle. Heck, I even tried Scientology™©®!

All for nothing.

Curse you, Kable Monck, and the no-good game you rode in on. Evito Ball. PAH! There's a treacherous name if I ever heard one. Did you realize that it anagrams into A VILE BLOT?

Of course you didn't. You're too busy using your happy little [arrow] keys to navigate your happy little ball around your happy little level, collecting your happy little coins and rolling to your happy little exit. Fine. You'll run into them soon enough.

Oh, they're not all there, but the worst of them sure are: Rocket-man. Laser-dude. Mister Tank. Scumbags I thought I'd left behind long ago, now back to taint my days and haunt my nights. They've brought some new friends, too: Miss Mimic, Larry Laser-scan, Greg the Gravity Grenade, Cab Catapult, Maya Minethrower, Fannie Flamethrower. All in the name of new and creative ways to skin a casual gamer.

Let me ask you something: do you ever have that dream where you kill yourself over and over? Sometimes you get so proficient at it that you can tell exactly when and how it's going to happen. Other times you find new and creative ways to off yourself. In the end it doesn't matter, you're still going to die. And die again... and again... Listen friend, for some of us it was more than a dream, it was an obsession. Do you realize how much damage one's fragile psyche incurs when one gets killed over and over, yet willingly and repeatedly puts oneself back on the path towards certain death?

Don't you try to tell me this Evito Ball is tough. You weren't there. Only those who were part of The Way can truly know the suffering it caused. This cruel imposter's just not the same, and thank Buddha for that! (Yeah, I went back again.) The differences are the only reason I'm here writing this and not slobbering away in some asylum. To start with, there's only 80 levels, and every 20 or so the scenery changes, shielding you from the oppressive grey on gray monotony. Plus, you don't even have to worry about gravity! Now, I admit that the physics of Evito Ball may not be quite as forgiving, but why don't you remind me what happens when you exceed your allotted time, hmm? Oh, you only get one gold star instead of two? That's too bad. Used to be the worst way to go, running out of time. You'd be leaping toward the exit when *BANG!* Spontaneous combustion FTL!

Now that's the sort of memory that earned my shrink a brand-new yacht. Twelve months of therapy down the drain, and all because of this two-bit, stinking Evito Ball. Well, I guess it goes to show that once you've traveled The Way of the Ninja, it becomes part of you for life. *sigh*

Anyway, I suppose outside of that particular context, it's probably a pretty enjoyable little game. So go ahead, you whippersnapper,

Play Evito Ball

33 Comments

Your review creeped me out so much I'm afraid to play it.

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although the enemies do remind me of N, there isn't much else resemblance. however, i find this game incredibly boring and after the first five incredibly easy levels i quit.

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Gyaaaah!!! This game is EVIL, your'e right zxo!

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I feel the controls are a bit too sluggish, and not feels quite "direct", if you know what I mean. Lack of sound effects probably has a lot to do with it. Many games feel that way if you turn the sound off.

I tried a dozen levels or so, but I just couldn't get myself to like it. There's no real puzzles, from what I've seen. It's mostly a reaction game, and reaction games without quick controls don't work.

Recently reviewed [b]Flywrench[/b] is so much the better game here, despite being way too hard for my skills. :)

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OrigamiMarie Author Profile Page July 29, 2008 2:02 PM

Too hard for me. The weapons are crazy, the par-times are ridiculous, and I give up after about 21 skill points. It looks like there might be a system of upgrades, but the first one is not within my reach. And the ball has too much inertia or something. Perhaps an easy mode would be helpful for those of us who don't have perfect reflexes.

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ThemePark Author Profile Page July 29, 2008 2:19 PM

zxo, I don't know what you smoked/drank/ate last night, but I'm lovin' it! ^_^

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At first, I was a bit worried about you zxo, with your deranged review and all. Then I played the game... You did it justice zxo. I've never read a more accurate review in my history of review reading. After playing for a while, and once I was able to stop convulsing and pick myself up off the floor, I decided that I should congratulate you on a game well reviewed. Thanks!

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waycooler Author Profile Page July 29, 2008 3:38 PM

Arg this game is too hard for me to play casually.

zxo, your review made me laugh. Then I started having flashbacks to the weeks spent trying to get through IWBTG. Dark, dark memories. All the times I died. Then again. And again. And again. Even more depressing was how the game keeps track of how many times you've died. I racked up around 1000 and was semi-close to finishing it. It is good to know that somebody else has experienced the same pain for me, even if not for the same reason.

By the way, I was playing IWBTG on Normal. There is no Easy. Because it isn't, in any way, shape, or form.

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KingofTown July 29, 2008 7:28 PM

This game certainly isn't for everybody. Luckily (or probably unlucky), this is my kind of game.

It's one of those that people will quickly label as 'impossible'. The moment I hear that magic word...I am a machine that will not stop until it is beat.

If you were to walk by my room when the first Guitar Hero was released, you would have heard Megadeath nonstop. The same song over and over and over would drive most sane people...insane.

Fun game. I only managed to 'beat' it. That is, I have completed all of the levels. Now with the 'speed boost' upgrade, I can go for the times under par. If anyone is looking for me...you'll know where to find me. (Locked in a closet, rocking back and forth saying "Evito Evil Ball...Evil Evito ball..."

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Grrrr...

Wood level 12... Seriously; how are you supposed to avoid the rocket to the face?

Impossible indeed!

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Nevermind.

Z, I'm beginning to understand your mindset here.

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Huh... doesn't load for me. When I click on PLAY I just get a blank olive-colored screen. Clicking on that screen just brings me back to the Not Doppler front page.

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Must be your Flash Player, Suho. I can't reproduce the problem.

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Cassie! :D July 29, 2008 10:36 PM

Grimmrook,

you have to have the rocket trail behind you the whole way around the curve, and you have to make sure that it doesn't crash, =D hope that helps

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Does the music keep turning on after like 5 minutes for people? I turn it off, then it starts again and I have to go back to the menu, turn it on, and turn it off again.

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Cassie! :D July 30, 2008 12:01 AM

Can anyone help me on level 17 felt? >.< Thanks.

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Ah, you bring life to the frontpage of an increasingly bland, family-safe JiG, and amuse me mightily.

This kind of review keeps me reading, and garners my interest. Nice to see someone else can truly be effected by a game *grins*

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sijapu17 Author Profile Page July 30, 2008 6:44 AM

Cassie, to do felt 17, you just need to RUN. As fast as you can. Don't even stop when you get past the laser, or you'll get scorched by the flamethrowers.

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KingofTown July 30, 2008 1:57 PM

Hey now...I got par on a level, yet it said I got overpar!

Level Complete!
Time 00.27.00
Par 00.27.00
OVERPAR

Now to do it yet again...

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Lol, the review was way better than the game.

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Thanks Cassie. I got it right after I posted.

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I would like to add that this game is not kidsafe.

Well, it is, but not if I'm playing it... oh no... If my daughters watched me play this game, they would learn a whole new vocabulary their teachers (and mother) would probably kill me for.

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Unlawfulwaffle Author Profile Page July 31, 2008 8:53 AM

Just wanted to chime in to say that this game is excellent. It definitely has shades of IWBTG (still trying to beat dracula!) but it's quality stuff.
And fun fact: "Evito" means "I avoid" in spanish!

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Jaster38 July 31, 2008 10:25 AM

Does anyone know how to get past the twin lasers on Metal lvl 7?

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Cassie! :D July 31, 2008 12:26 PM

Grimmrook, rofl. Me too, I'm like addicted to this game and I want to beat it soo bad, but it just makes me angry and I'll start yelling at it, but then my mom will yell at me x].

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I'd have a lot more love for this game if the music wouldn't keep turning back on every few minutes. Other than that very annoying glitch, it's a lot of fun.

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That's it man. Game over man! GAME OVER!

I can't even play this at work... I'm coming up with obscenities my coworkers haven't even heard, and that's saying something.

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Anonymous August 1, 2008 1:54 AM

Unfortunately I couldn't get it to play. My particular Flash Player + Firefox + Linux combination caused to load fine and let me select a level, but keypresses don't work.

I had a similar problem starting Totem Destroyer--- could select a level but then clicking on "start" didn't work.

I'm kind of bummed at what seems to be an increasing number of not-really-compatible Flash games.

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This is a great case in point that polish does not equal quality. Two huge issues; one, the music starts up again when you have it turned off. Two, I have to press two different buttons to retry a level? Bad design!

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ThemePark Author Profile Page August 1, 2008 10:46 PM

I swear, it seems as though some people are on this site only to find miniscule things to complain about in games.

@Gibel, you have played five very easy levels out of a total of 80 levels, and that enables you to conclude that the game is boring? Try playing some of the levels in the other materials, and I can assure they are NOT easy.

@N@, you have a point with the music, I'll give you that. But come on, you have to press two keys instead of one on your keyboard, and that means bad design?

I'm sorry but that is just miniscule. I don't think people here actually consider how much work goes into a game. Nope, people want a perfect game from a perfect programmer, nothing less. I guess people don't realize people make mistakes.

Having to push one extra key does not even come close to making such a bold statement about design as you did. And as for the music problem, that is likely as simple as changing a couple of lines of code, so let's hope that Kable Monck reads JiG and corrects it.

I swear, there are coming more and more Kongregate comments, and more and more people just seem to have little to no respect to how much work goes into making a game, especially something that actually is as well polished as this.

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Well said. I couldn't agree more, ThemePark.

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zekecake Author Profile Page August 4, 2008 4:16 PM

I love these rage-inducing, take-57 games where you have to focus your concentration like a laser.

Unlike zxo, i remember 'N' and the time we spend together fondly. I see that little guy and his red scarf and my teeth start to grind, but you know, in a good way.

Well, 'Evito Ball' is in no way as good of an experience as 'N' was, but I did love every cursed minute of it. Its unforgiving par times and sluggish controls just added to my mania to finish the game with all underpars. I'm much like KingofTown in that regard. I'm just not the type to move on and let one of those little buggers stay orange. Stupid me didn't realize that you even get the speed boost for beating the game until I had already beaten it, with all Underpars! I need to pay a bit more attention

Anyway, great review, very good game. My only complaint would be having to press "A" to restart after you fail. It gets annoying after your 23rd or so pass at a level. It would be nice if it was just spacebar considering you don't have that option to progress or restart like when you finish a level. It would make for a more fluid experience. Other than that, I just wish there were more levels.

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blackscorp August 5, 2008 11:43 AM

just beat it too!!
man was that sick!

a few levels seem "no, that can't be, no one can manage to complete this level"...

but after many tries and crushed fingertips i just finished the game and have the speed boost

Looking for another fun game (maybe Evito Ball 2) ? :P

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